The period immediately following a divorce can be a confusing and unsettling time for a man. When it comes to sex, a lot of men expect to rush right back into an intimate relationship with a woman, and even think something is wrong with them if they don't.
Nothing could be further from the truth. A newly divorced man must guard against trying to take things too fast.
Don't look for sex right away with a new woman. Remember that many women identify sex with a caring, long-term relationship. Unless that's what you want right now, rushing into a sexual relationship is a bad idea. Although it may feel safe and reassuring to replace your ex-wife with another woman in bed immediately, the fact is that most men need a transitional time. This means dating is fine but the heavy commitment sex brings to a new relationship may not be. Take some time to find out who you are first.
Search for a new partner with patience and intelligence. The first instinct of many men post-divorce is to jump into the singles bar scene or into online dating immediately. Instead, step back and think about what you want in a future partner, and understand what went wrong last time. Instead of hitting on every woman in sight, make an effort to join social networks that attract the kind of woman you are looking for. It'll be much better to meet a new partner through common interests than through hoping to hit the jackpot in your one-night stands. That's not to say bars and dating services might not be an option eventually, but you want to approach everything slowly and on your terms. If you put on a big show and get a woman to fall for an act instead of who you are, you might find yourself saddled with a whole new set of relationship problems.
When you do have sex again, don't expect fireworks. Divorce makes people worry about getting older and losing time, but don't expect to jump from a divorce straight into the sexual Olympics. When you and your new partner do reach the right time for sex, take it slow. It's much better to focus on the romantic and sensual side of things than to rush into bed with the 10 best Kama Sutra positions. After all, if you are moving into a meaningful relationship, you have plenty of time to spice things up.
Don't spoil the wonder. To a newly divorced guy, even a first kiss can and should be exciting. Be romantic and build up to the right moment, and feel free to back off if the timing isn't right. The new woman in your life will be far more understanding if you go slow or want to wait than if you are rushing her into the bedroom.
There is life and sex after divorce. But not in the first week, and maybe not in the first year. As a man you need to take your time and worry about your own emotional state, as well as that of your potential partner.
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