Fuhgettabout It: 10 Things We Think Men Care About But They Really Don’t January

 

By Toya Sharee on madamenoire.com

2011 will unfortunately be known to many as the year when “Heauxs Were Winning.” The public watched Basketball “wives” snag baller after baller and witnessed countless rappers wife up video vixens and booty models. Comment sections across the world-wide web were stampeded by readers holding their college degrees and dignity high above their heads like swords. In shock and horror, they questioned how these men were overlooking sophisticated, educated women to flaunt big bootied brainless beauty queens on their arms. (Of course we assumed that if a woman’s biggest claim to fame is a KING magazine cover, she automatically has to be an idiot).

What many women failed to question was A) Were these women as clueless or uncouth as we assumed they were? B) Whether or not these men placed as much value on class, sophistication and education as some of their female counterparts and C) Why are so many of us attracted to men whose priorities in a potential mate include fat booty, frying chicken, and freak in the sheets?

This got me thinking that although many women think they know what men want, it’s more likely that we’ve created an idea of what we think men SHOULD want. Some of the things that we value in relationships and sex simply don’t matter much to some men, and men desire completely different things from a woman based on whether a relationship is solely sexual or soul mate material. The quicker more women understand this, the sooner they too will be “winning.”

What you are about to read is a written account based on what I as a woman have witnessed from the values expressed by a variety of men. If you are truly interested in what a man values in a woman, try asking one.

1. A College Degree

In no way am I telling you to trade in your Bachelor’s for some booty shorts, but I am willing to bet that when Drake laid eyes on Maliah, the last thing he was asking himself was if she could recite all the elements on the periodic table from memory. Most men don’t want a brainless beauty for a wife (and you probably aren’t trying to lock down one who does) but they are visual creatures and what we woman have to understand is that if it’s 1:45 am in the club, that man whose been eye-humping you all night probably isn’t looking for his Mrs. Right as much as he is looking for Mrs. Right Now. For some reason, many woman like to use their education as a reason why they are more wifey material than the girl dropping it low in so and so’s video. And hopefully you’re struggling through that Calculus class because you know it will give you a better chance at a successful future and not just the next eligible bachelor. An education is a valuable asset, but it doesn’t guarantee you a good man over the girl dancing for dollars.

2. Sexy Undergarments

Heathcliff Huxtable taught us that it’s all about the presentation. But while men are visual creatures, they’re more interested in seeing what’s under your La Perla. A guy once told me, “I don’t understand why women spend so much time and money on sexy lingerie only for it to end up in a ball on the floor.” He also revealed to me that anything black and lacy all looks the same. If you really want to turn his head, pull out your special “that-time-of the-month” panties and sports bra; it’s the perfect way to make him appreciate all of the sexiness he once took for granted.

3. Sex Faces and Hair

You’re probably missing out on that desirable Big O because you’re so busy obsessing about whether or not your sex face and hair make you look like that little girl on The Exorcist. You may be worrying about a rogue false eyelash or a little bit of sweat, but most men agree that there’s something explicitly carnal and erotic about seeing a woman’s hair all wild while she’s biting and clawing at him in the throes of passion. So let your hair down, or better yet take if off and focus on getting yours, because he will most definitely make sure he gets his.

4. Chipped Nail Polish

When you know you need a manicure or pedicure, you may feel like the whole world knows too. No man wants a woman with consistently jacked up hands and feet but he won’t go running for the hills just because you’re overdue for your acrylic overlay. When it comes to other minor beauty mishaps like going without your false eyelashes for a night, you’re probably making a bigger deal out of it than your man is.

5. Stretch Marks

Those thicker thighs, rounded hips or even that bundle of joy you wished for all came at a cost called stretch marks. You could try thinking of it as a biological road map or God entertaining his interest in tattooing, but the truth is very few women are in love with their stretch marks and they probably think their man hates them too. Stop worrying and slathering your cakes with cocoa butter like you are literally about to bake them. Honestly ladies, I doubt a man is going to tell you to put your clothes back on and don’t call him ever again if he sees your derriere came with a little extra decoration.

6. Red Bottoms

With the exception of Maino who speaks of women like they are car accessories, most men can’t tell the difference between Prada and Payless. What they will notice is whether you’re looking uncomfortable all for the sake of fashion or if you’re rocking the oh so sought after “Red Bottoms” but surviving on Ramen noodles and cereal. As long as you can put together a sexy look you feel confident in, it doesn’t matter much to men how much you spent on it. As much as I like my men dressed to impress, obsession over fashion labels is something best left to the ladies.

7. Breast Size

If you watch enough Trey Songz videos you’ll start believing that all men want a Brazilian bombshell who’s been blessed in the chest and always has that “glistening-emerging-from-the pool” look. Thankfully, in real life, most men are happy to see any breasts at all to be picky about size. Unless you personally feel the need to push, pad and prop the girls up, don’t fall victim to the pressure to cop some double D’s to get a dude.

8. How Soon You Give Up the Goods

It still may not be the greatest idea to sleep with man before you learn his last name, but there’s no magical amount of time that makes the difference between marriage material and jump off. It’s truly about how you carry yourself and what you allow. If you command respect you’ll get just that and if he’s truly into you he won’t care if you give it up after 7 days or 7 months. Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to like sex too.

9. How Well You Groom Your Secret Garden

Keep in mind that when it comes to the genitals, a male’s primary concern is cleanliness. It’s your personal preference if you want to go completely bare, Brazilian or want to shave his name in it, what matters most is that old girl is zestfully clean. This doesn’t mean it has to smell like French vanilla or honey blossom. Men are completely aware that vagina has a distinct scent, and as long as that scent isn’t Four Day Funk, your guy won’t be complaining.

10. Long Hair

The truth is, we as women probably care more about long hair than any man ever has. Look at how many men lusted after Amber Rose whose was affectionately named “The Bald Headed Beast” or Halle Berry, the star of many men’s fantasies who usually rocks a short pixie. Long hair doesn’t always equal beauty. The point is to rock a hairstyle that’s flattering and natural looking. You’d be surprised at how many heads you will turn when you pull back those Rapunzel strands to reveal a pretty face and some sexy confidence.

Toya Sharee is a community health educator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee.

 

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"I Don't Care How Drunk You Are: Use A Friggin' Condom!"

 

By Amanda Chatel posted on yourtango.com

Safe sex is vastly underrated.

Study says that condom use (or non-use) has nothing to do with drunkenness. So no more excuses.

One would think that, after years of condom-on-banana sex ed in our schools, we'd finally get that condom use (especially if you're getting down and dirty with a stranger) is kind of a smart idea. And when I say "kind of," I really mean "just wrap it up, you idiots." While it's easy to blame not using the love-glove on massive amounts of alcohol, a new study found that liquor actually has zero bearing on whether or not you choose to practice safe sex. Basically, if you're anti-condom drunk, you're probably anti-condom sober, too. Great. Did anyone else's vagina just shiver?

The University of Buffalo study took 154 students who described themselves as "heavy drinkers" (aren't they all?) and cut down their alcohol consumption to see if it affected their safe-sex decisions. Said lead researcher, Kurt Dermen: "It was somewhat surprising that reducing drinking did not lead to a reduction in risky sex. However, it is clear from other research that many factors affect students' decisions about condom use and partner choice."

Well, obviously. For example, if you've been sitting next to that hot guy in poetry class for an entire semester, you are obviously in "the know" about his sexual habits, and can attest to the fact that he is STD-free. What else is poetry class for, if not to learn how to read people? I know that's why I was briefly a poetry major. Or do I just put way too much trust in literary types? Yeah, probably.

So guys, listen up: You no longer have the "I was soooo drunk" excuse for not being 100% safe. And ladies, you no longer have an excuse not to demand that he bring a Trojan along with his KY. And when you get yourself a raging case of herpes (which is a life-long buddy, unlike a one-night stand), maybe then you'll rethink how you approach casual sex in the future. You'll have to tell every partner and potential partner for the rest of your life that you have it, after all, and in turn, you'll never forget the night you blamed it on the "a a a a a alcohol."

Got condoms?

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“Should I Ignore The 3 Day Rule & Invite Him To Hang Out?”

 

Written by Terrance Dean on hellobeautiful.com

 

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I met this guy “Robert” at a bar on a Friday. We exchanged numbers and planned to hang out the next day because I was headed off to another place to meet up with friends. However (and probably unfortunately) I ended up seeing him after the bars closed as I was walking my friend home. His friend and him ended up walking us to her place and both of them caught a cab home to my place. We ended up drinking some more and just talking and eventually his friend left. The next morning after a night of cuddling and making out we had sex. We woke up, talked for awhile, and then eventually I drove him home. When he got out of the car he said he would call me later and kissed me goodbye (on the lips mind you). Yet all day he never called.

I know the three day rule but honestly think it is ridiculous so I text him on Sunday. We kept the conversation light and he replied to my texts (which he could have blown me off). But now it is been a couple of days and nothing. I kind of like him and would really like to see him again to get to know him better. Hopefully hang out with out having sex. Do you think it is a loss cause or should I just be more patient? I know it was probably a mistake sleeping with him so fast but do you think I can get things back on track? Should I make the second move and invite him to hang out? – Impulsively Searching For Love

**********************************************************************

Dear Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love,

Sigh! When will you ladies learn: Sex for a man does not equate love or instant feelings of like. It’s just sex. It’s a physical act of lust and desire, and on many occasions a need to release.

You said you kind of like him. Well, could you please tell me what do you like about him, ma’am? Yeah, just as I figured. You don’t know him. You had sex with him after a night of drinking. You both were mentally, emotionally, and physically impaired. How can you make a sound judgment under the influence of alcohol? Please explain that to me.

Girl, you had drunk sex and now you think you’ve met the one. SMDH! Silly ass rabbit, tricks are for kids. Ole trick ass.

Your signature is befitting of you: Ms. Impulsively Searching For Love. Stop searching for love by opening your legs to random dudes you meet at a bar. How about you start opening your mind and feeding and nurturing your spirit.

Girl, I’m still LMBAO because you truly believe and feel that just because he kissed you on the lips after you drove him home the next morning that it was a sign that he really liked you and wanted to get to know you better. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! Please make it stop baby Jesus. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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Fizzing Chocolate Peppermint Spa Pedicure

 

Amber Edwards of Suzanne Denee Salon, Saint Charles, Ill., offers a CA Botanica pedicure that is the perfect guilt-free chocolate indulgence for your clients.

Suzanne Denee Salon uses:

CA Botanica Sea Enzyme Marine Peppermint Polish, Fizzing Chocolate Mask, Eggnog Vanilla Sugar Scrub, and Vanilla Body Cream; foot soak antiseptic, vanilla essential oil; base coat, polish, and top coat.

Step-by-Step:

1. Soak the client’s feet in warm water with a foot soak antiseptic and vanilla essential oil. Offer her a hot chocolate.

2. Prep nails and file calluses.

3. Don white gloves, then exfoliate the client’s feet and lower legs with CA Botanica Sea Enzyme Marine Peppermint Polish. Rinse.

4. In a small bowl, add 3 Tbsp. of CA Botanica Sea Enzyme Fizzing Chocolate Mask to 3 Tbsp. of warm water. Mix together until the blend is a thin paste. (The powder will expand and the mask will start to fizzle.) Use a brush to apply the mask to the client’s feet and lower legs, then wrap in plastic wrap and warm towels. After fifteen minutes, remove the mask with a warm wet towel.

5. Exfoliate the client’s feet and lower legs with CA Botanica Sea Enzyme Eggnog Vanilla Sugar Scrub. Rinse and dry thoroughly.

6. Massage the client’s feet and lower legs with CA Botanica Sea Enzyme Vanilla Body Cream.

7. Apply base coat, two coats of polish, and top coat.

 

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The 7 Best Masturbation Tips

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Never Fake An Orgasm Again

Why faking an orgasm isn't as harmless as you may think. Learn how to reach your peak—for real.

By Kristen Dold on Womensheathmag.com

Faking it happens. A lot. In fact, studies show that 60 percent of women have delivered an Oscar-worthy performance between the sheets. And while it's commonly assumed that women pretend to climax in order to boost a partner's ego or speed up a snoozy romp, new research from Temple University found that for many women, there are other factors at work—among them, a fear of being vulnerable, insecurity about their skills in bed, and the choice to use their faux O as a means to increase their own arousal. While there's little harm in the occasional bluff, here's why you should curb the counterfeit climaxing and find your true peak potential.
Fear of Vulnerability
If a woman isn't emotionally ready to open up to her partner, faking it can be a way to keep the guy at arm's length. A few reasons: She may be wary of becoming too dependent on the guy, or of becoming engulfed by his personality or world and thus losing herself. "There's a vulnerability and emotional risk that comes with climaxing in front of someone," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. A fear of rejection or icky issues from a past relationship may also keep a woman from revealing herself. Bona fide O's require "truly surrendering to the experience and not worrying about being judged," she says. But if you resist letting go, it's nearly impossible to be swept up in the awesomely authentic sensations.
O-vercome it: Amp up the trust and intimacy you need inside the bedroom by speaking up more outside of it, says Women's Health advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. "Being authentic about expressing who you are is the key to better sex," she says. Start small: Confide a secret or share an embarrassing story, and when he asks where you want to eat dinner, pick a place instead of saying "Anywhere is fine," says Herbenick. "Men and women who are emotionally close will have an easier time being honest with their partner about how sex feels for them—whether it feels good enough to lead to an orgasm," she says. Improve your bond during the day and you'll be more comfortable directing him "to the left, a little softer, now faster"—and ultimately letting yourself let go—when the lights are out.
Self-Consciousness
Some women put on bed-rattling performances because they're insecure about how long it takes them to climax or what it actually takes to get them there, says Vivienne Cass, Ph.D., author of The Elusive Orgasm. "They see these highly orgasmic women in movies and think that's the norm," she says. Meanwhile, men who watch porn—i.e., most of them—are used to seeing women get off in seconds, which adds to the pressure.
O-vercome it: Be honest about your expectations, and push him to do the same, says Fulbright. A grand finale is not always a given. According to a study from the University of Chicago, only 5 percent of women always climax through intercourse, while nearly 35 percent rarely or never do. In fact, you and your guy probably need to get a little creative. "Research shows that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, through masturbation, stimulation from a partner, or oral sex," says Charlene L. Muehlenhard, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at the University of Kansas.
Ramp up your coital confidence by becoming more familiar with the touches and sensations that make you tick, says Herbenick. When you're alone, try masturbating, fantasizing, or using a vibrator. When you're with your partner, do some hotter-sex homework: Explore each other's bodies for the sole purpose of figuring out what turns you on—with zero intention of orgasm. Then you can show each other what it takes to push you over the edge.
Libido Enhancement
Gasps, growls, heavy breathing, and other faux-O methods can be a big turn-on for women, according to research from Erin B. Cooper, a doctoral student in clinical psychology at Temple University. In her study, women reported that imitating an orgasm increased their levels of arousal and upped the intensity of sex. Plus, common sense holds that if you appear to be on the brink of ecstasy, your guy will most likely kick things into high gear, improving the odds for an authentic finish.
O-vercome it: You may not have to. It's usually fine to keep "fake it to make it" in your better-sex bag of tricks, as long as your guy knows it's not his shortcoming but rather something that turns you on, says Herbenick. That said, it can be just as effective to take part in the sweaty, loud fanfare and shelve the fake finish. Try spicing things up with dirty talk or visualizing having an orgasm as you approach climax, she says. It may sound like psychobabble, but imagining the sensations of an orgasm in your head—the sights, smells, and sounds—can help push you over the top. And then you can leave the faux O's for those women on the big screen.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN
Now hear this: A whopping 80 percent of women admitted to making pleasure sounds such as moaning and groaning half of the time when they knew they weren't going to climax, found researchers from the University of Central Lancashire and the University of Leeds in the U.K. Oddly enough, women reported being quiet during masturbation and oral sex, i.e., when they were more likely to orgasm. Why the yowls of half-hearted passion? "Women know that being loud in bed can enhance the physical intensity of the experience for her partner," explains Diana Hoppe, M.D., author of Healthy Sex Drive, Healthy You. It's all good to give him a little audio feedback, but if you're not truly enjoying yourself, offer him more specific heat-of-the-moment direction in lieu of a synthetic sound track. You'll make beautiful music—together.
His Pretend Pleasure
It's not just us—guys fake it too. According to researchers at the University of Kansas, a quarter of the men studied said they've acted out an orgasm during sex. Most men reported faking it because reaching orgasm was unlikely or taking too long, while others were bored, tired, or not in the mood, says study author Charlene L. Muehlenhard, Ph.D.
The telltale signs? The men in the study who artificially O'd said they did so by thrusting harder or faster, clenching their muscles or freezing up, verbally expressing that they had reached orgasm, or acting exhausted afterward. (The study also showed that guys were more likely to say that they faked it because their partner was unattractive, while women were more likely to fess up to faking it when they felt their partner was unskilled.) We polled guys on MensHealth.com to get their POV on phony climaxes:
41% believe there has been a time when both he and his partner faked it.
59% say they can tell when a woman fakes it. How?
36% say it's because she's overly dramatic.
21% of guys would pass up the chance to climax for real in order to fake an O at the "right" time.
46% think the best way to fake an orgasm is to use a condom and trash it before his partner gets a look.
23% say the best way is to keep the lights out!
61% of men who haven't faked an orgasm say they would do so.

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What to Bring to His Place (and What Not to Leave) When You Visit

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted on YourTango.com

If you are feeling naughty or kinky, leave a clean pair of panties underneath his pillow with a note

Ending up at his place for the first few times is pretty exciting and nerve-wracking all on its own. Understanding that what you do and how you act during these first few experiences at cohabitation will tell your man more about you than any words ever could.

Understanding a few key points can help you show the man of your dreams that you are fun, sexy, and responsible. He’ll begin to see you as a good caregiver and someone indispensable in his life over your first few visits to his place - or you could show him that you are definitely not the one.

If you are asked to swing by for the night, or if you end up spending the night unplanned after watching a movie or sharing a few drinks, you may want to bring your essentials with you the next time you visit your man. As a general rule, you want to bring everything you need in one little bag, and not leave anything behind when you leave. Don’t worry about the basics, like towels, soap, or shampoo – but you shouldn’t need to ask him for anything like contact solution, or tampons (he might surprise you).

Bring a toothbrush, deodorant, and a change of underwear and socks. Again, everything should fit in one little bag that you can hopefully keep out of sight. Coming over with luggage or all your make-up and accessories will only clutter up your man’s bathroom. It will also show that you are high-maintenance, not very courteous, and over-confident that you are the only woman in his life.

You definitely never want to bring over bags of luggage, your dirty laundry unless you ask or he invites you to wash it at his house, or your pets or friends if unannounced and not discussed. You don’t want to bring over photos or stuff to hang on the walls. Don’t park your broken down car in his driveway, either – if you know you drive a bucket that’s leaking oil, park it on the street! Consideration is everything.

Men are territorial animals, so don’t invade his space until he invites you to do so. How will you know when it's okay to leave your things at his place? He'll say things like, "It's okay to leave your shirt in the closet," "Don't worry about the shoes at the front door, you can come and get them later," or "Why don't you leave your toothbrush in the cabinet?" When you hear him say those magical words, you now have the official green light. When men start sharing their territory, this clearly means they want and expect you to return on a more serious note.

Get personalized Virtual Coaching with our panel of expert Relationship Coaches and pay only after you're 100% satisfied.

What you leave behind can also tell a man a lot about you - how respectful or disrespectful you are, and how likely he will keep pursuing the relationship. If you are feeling naughty or kinky, leave a clean pair of your underwear underneath his pillow with a note. Don’t leave it under the bed or stuck in the couch for someone else to find later. Don’t leave your toothbrush either; keep it in a container in your purse.

Spraying your perfume on his pillow to remind him of you is definitely not okay. Leaving one or two small notes is flirtatious and fun. Leaving more than two notes gets a bit much and may freak your man out.

Another great way to not only open up lines of communication but to judge exactly where your man’s feelings are for you, is to ask him if he likes it when you spend the night. If he says yes, ask him why he likes it. If he tells you that it’s because he loves having sex with you, then perhaps that’s all the relationship will be about. If, however, he tells you that he loves being around you, loves waking up next to you, loves snuggling with you in bed, and loves spending the evenings together, then that will be a clear signal that he is really enjoying your company and not just your sex. 7 Positions to Sleep in that Will Excite the Man of Your Dreams

Just remember that you are a guest at his place until you both move in together. Never take for granted that his door will always be open to you, and definitely don’t leave a mess behind when you leave. As an example, one of our experienced Relationship Coaches has a partner of 14 years who would clean his place when she stayed the night and he was off at work. When he returned home later that evening, and she was gone but the house was tidy and neat, her thoughtfulness was a nice reminder of why he was falling in love with her.

The impressions you leave of what a future with you is going to be like will directly impact if the man of your dreams commits to you or continues looking for the woman of his dreams.

- Relationship Coaches Paul V. and Zach S.
www.HowToGetTheManOfYourDreams.com | Facebook

The #1 online source for relationship advice.

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9 Stereotypes Of Black Men That Aren’t Always True

Written by jmack on hellobeautiful.com

Black stereotypes. They plague both the men and women of our community. We’ve already covered 9 Stereotypes Of Black Women That Aren’t Always True, but now, men, it’s your turn to prove (some of) these rumors wrong.

 

 

1. All Black Men Are Well-Endowed
This one is bound to start some discussion. Upon googling ‘Black men big penis true?’, you’ll find a range of references to an unemployed white man from Brooklyn named John Falcon, who’s apparently the owner of the world’s largest.

Research however will tell you that there is in fact no truth to the debate about differences in size across the races. It is certainly not a guarantee that the next black man you meet will outdo John Falcon in the size department but in terms of a continued discussion about this myth, we’ll leave it with you.

2. They Don’t Like To Work
While Black men suffer from some of the highest rates of unemployment in America, psychologists will confirm that this is in no way related to choice. Men in general are hardwired to want to provide for their families and so will pursue any means possible to achieve that goal. ‘Not wanting to work’ is a negative stereotype of black men that is certainly not true in the grand majority of cases of unemployment.

3. Black Men Are Extremely Sexually Virile
Can we keep this one as it is? What do you think?

4. Black Men Are Great Athletes
Any major sporting event features an array of muscular, testosterone-filled black men. But, ‘Look at them! Now look at your man! And back to them! Now look at your man!’

5. Players
Popular urban culture and Hollywood have perpetuated the myth of the black man as a player. This is in fact not true of black men in particular. All human beings must actively resist polygamy in their lives because of the pressures of evolution, which tell us to procreate with as many people as possible, and society, which dictates that we remain faithful to our chosen partner.

6. Black Men Like White Women
Now this one depends largely on who you ask. Interracial marriage is on the rise in America and the perception that black men like white women may stem from the fact that it is becoming more socially acceptable and therefore more common. In the end, a man and a woman will be together for reasons of personal compatibility, not race.

7. Black Men Don’t Take Care Of Their Children
A good black man will be a wonderful father to his children no matter what the circumstances. The trick is to avoid those who might take the easy way out of hard circumstances – of these there are plenty and they’re all shapes, sizes and colors.

8. He’s Been In Jail
This stereotype is like a bad joke gone worse. Urban and pop cultures have played on this perception to the point that those who unfamiliar with black people maintain some crazy ideas about our world.

9. Good At Dancing
The only reason people become known for dancing well is that one good mover can overshadow the 5 others who just escaped through the fire exit to avoid being pulled onto the dance floor.

We want to hear from you. What do you think about the validity of some of these stereotypes?

9 Stereotypes Of Black Women That Aren’t Always True

Written by YeahSheSaidIt on Hellobeautiful.com

With all of the negative media attention surrounding Black women it would seem that Black women are being picked apart from their physical appearance to their mentality. Which is why it is important to banish the negative stereotypes that harden the image of Black women. Check out these negative stereotypes of Black women that aren’t always true.

1.We Don’t Take Care Of Our Bodies

There is a generalization of Black women that they have no interest in taking care of our bodies. Or that we have no interest in eating right or going to the gym. We often hear about the research and studies that show how overweight Black women are and yes there are some overweight Black women. However, in the recent years with the health buzz that has become popular there also has been a rise in women of all races wanting to live a healthier life and live longer.

2. We Don’t Like To Listen To Our Men

Black women are raised to be strong minded. However, if we feel that he is responsible and we trust him then we have no problem listening to our man. It is only when we do not trust him or his motives that our guards begin to rise again and the trust vanishes.

3. We Don’t Want Or Have The Urge To Get Married

Despite the recent interest in successful Black women being single and assumed to not have any interest in marriage, the truth is that many of us do want to be married one day. Just because a woman has high aspirations for her career does not mean that she does not still yearn for her soul mate.
Black Women And The Asking For Too Much Clause

4. Our Hair Defines Us

Yes, Black women do love their hair. We enjoy how beautiful a fresh style will make us feel. What women doesn’t love a fresh salon look? However as we have seen from the recent wave of Black women in entertainment shaving their heads, our hair does not define us. Hair no longer is used as the only vessel to make us feel attractive or even complete.

5. We Do Not Get Along With Other Women

This is a stereotype of all women. But it always seemed to me that Black women received the grunt of the burden of this because we are assumed to be overly aggressive and angry. Therefore, how could we ever co-exist together drama free? This simply is not always the case.

6. We Do Not Like To Perform Oral Sex

This stereotype in itself is unproven. For one, any woman who is in love with her man will put in the effort to please him as long as he is pleasing her. It is in a woman’s nature to want to keep her partner happy.

7. We Like To Argue And Fight Hence The Negative Attitude

Some women who possess this stereotypical attitude do this as a defense mechanism. I honestly do not believe that they enjoy being bitchy. It has become a means of protecting themselves from a world that is not always kind to them.

Five Reasons Why Black Women Aren’t Gold Diggers

8. We Are Gold Diggers

All women of every culture enjoy being lavished or cared for financially. Truth be told what women doesn’t? Hell! What person doesn’t? This is not just a Black woman’s thing.

9. We Like Dog Ass Men

Women of all races may find themselves attracted to the bad boy or at least the man who you KNOW is no damn good for you. Some women have to train themselves to distance themselves from being attracted to the wrong type of man who might not be as exciting but probably will treat them a hell of a lot better than the bad boy would.

For More LJ Knight Visit YeahSheSaidIt

Understanding Why Men Climax So Fast

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted on YourTango.com

  

With mind control, we can control our climax, but this usually requires some far-off thought.

We’ve received this question from many women and have decided to address it here. As we often repeat, we’re here to help you understand how we think, and why we do what we do. The more you understand about us, the less confused you’ll be, and the easier it will be for you to have an open, successful relationship with the man of your dreams.

With that being said, we’ve heard some women state that they believe men who climax quickly are having lots of sex. How backwards is that? It’s actually just the opposite. One reason a man climaxes too quickly is because he’s excited, usually about a new sexual conquest. Like women love new shoes, we love new sexual experiences.

Don’t get us wrong, we love old sexual experiences too, especially if it’s been a long time since our last visit. When you finally let us past the pearly gates, we have spent so much energy on the chase that once we arrive, the energy built up has to dispense and out it goes like a bomb. Then you look at us and we look at you like, Oops, sorry… I’ll be ready next time. Give us a few seconds, and we pray that we’ll be back before you change your mind.

Often, we climax quickly because we’re not as sexually active as you may think. There’s a lot of built up energy that has to go somewhere. Foreplay takes a great deal of that energy away, so the time a woman is holding out burns up valuable sexual minutes. By the time you say yes, we are so surprised and happy that two seconds later, out the energy goes. Now, this is all under the assumption that he doesn’t have some sort of medical issue, which we don’t advise on. Assuming that his performance isn’t consistently two minutes or under, it’s probably not a medical issue.

If you’re new to us, a new experience can easily turn into an hour just because it’s new, and we intentionally want to make it last. We know the golden rule – longer is better. But if you’re having relations on a regular basis, it becomes more of an intimate situation than a sexual one. As the dynamics in your relationship change, the time in which he climaxes does too. When you’re a woman he’s just met, he’s going to give you his best and longest. Later in the relationship, he won’t be thinking about time anymore. It’ll just depend on how good he wants to make you feel. An unselfish man will control and hold his climax until you get yours to make sure you’re satisfied. With mind control, we can control our climax, but this usually requires some far-off thought.

A selfish man is just going to get his and not be concerned about whether you get yours. This is a big clue to tell you if he’s about himself or about the relationship.

We do have some tricks to deal with this problem, though you might not like some of our solutions. We know how important it is to satisfy you, because if we don’t, our chances for return visits will be doomed. To make sure we’ll be good, some of us will call another girl over before we see you and sleep with her first so that we’ll be ready for you later. Sorry to let this secret out of the bag, guys.

- Relationship Coach Myles P.

The #online source for relationship advice.

www.HowToGetTheManOfYourDreams.com

 

Check out the Original Article Here

All Vaginas Are Not Pleasing to the Male Species as Assumed

 

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted on YourTango.com

 

 Men will tell other men about how bad it was but they will not tell you.

All Vaginas Are Not Pleasing to the Male Species as Assumed

The only way you will get this information out of a man is if you have seriously hurt his ego or made him extremely mad.

 

Despite what one may think, a man will become uninterested for this very reason. He will never tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. How do you know you if a man likes your Vagina? How do you know he does not?

Just because you have a vagina doesn't mean it’s good, agreeable or likeable to the man you are seeing. Contrary popular beliefs, women who are skinny have deeper vaginas than women who have big butts. It’s funny because you would think that it’s the other way around, the women with the big butts are the women with the deep canals, but in all actuality the women who are skinny have the deeper canals.

So a lot of men chase the women with the big butts. Perhaps it’s because there's less ground to cover. There is a bottom. If a man can't find the bottom of the canal, then that's a bit of a problem and makes the experience uninviting. He will gladly refer you to the guy who is more suited to go deeper.
“Hey Charlie, I met this woman. She's really deep, I want you to meet her.”
Have you ever heard a woman say? "This is not going to work." It’s either one of two reasons: It’s either too big or too small. Have you ever heard a man say? "This is not going to work." Even though we may realize at the point of insertion and one stroke later that, “this is not going to work”. We are going to still try immediate solutions by adjusting the angles or positioning, and if all else fails its dildo time. And consequently you'll never hear us say, “It’s not going to work.” Instead, you'll just notice that we’ll disappear. The key here is we are not going to stop in the middle of what we are doing. We can’t stop, because our penises are on full blast, because our penises are in full control at this point, and we are the observers. We ourselves are having a conversation with our penis, saying, "Man you know this isn't going to work. "Penis says, "Shut up and sit down!" And afterwards when we regain control of our penises again, we will come to the same conclusion and our penises will agree, “This is not going to work.” Usually, it’s not going to work because the vagina is too big or has a bad smell. These are the main reasons that come to mind, too big, too wide, too loose, no bottom. It’s like sticking your penis in the middle of a Big Gulp! You never feel the sides or the bottom of the cup. It’s like open space. A vagina that's too small is usually OK and can be worked out on our behalf, but the woman may not like it at first or be able to deal with the initial pain to open her up to the diameter and depth needed. Usually, after a few sessions, women seem to adjust pretty quickly.

As we observe in amazement, it will almost be like there was never an issue of her being too small. That’s the power of the vagina. A man can never truly out do or out pump a well lubricated vagina, impossible, as a woman can never control a man’s penis. In fact, a man can't even control his own penis. A penis has a mind of its own at a certain point in time. Usually from just prior to insertion, the penis is in full control and the man is observing. Contrary to what men think, in the end the vagina always wins. It’s elastic.

Blaise S.

www.HowToGetTheManOfYourDreams.com

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What Men Really Think About You in the Club

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted Dec 23rd on YourTango.com

Men will consider sleeping with the trashy looking girl, but will never bring her home to mama.

Men and women usually go to the club for vastly different reasons. Men go to the club to find women, find women, and to find women. Women go to the club to sometimes find a man, but also to enjoy themselves by dancing and drinking the night away with friends.

 

Men are reactionary creatures. If you want to know what we think about you at the club, all you need to do is evaluate one thing: Your activity at the club. Men read what women give us to read. It’s as simple as that. Let us break down a few scenarios for you so you can have a deeper understanding of just how men think. Although we really don’t think all that deeply about much when we’re at the club.

What She’s Wearing

This tells us a lot, and regardless of what you may think or say, dressing provocatively is a choice; a choice thought about and realized by you. If the way you dress is too over the top, quality men will be concerned and will wonder if you are at the club for business rather than leisure. If what you are wearing is causing as many concerns as looks, the man of your dreams is going to look elsewhere. Dressing sexy and dressing trashy are two separate things, and not knowing the difference or understanding the message you are sending could be deterring the amount of quality men that ask you out. Men will consider sleeping with the trashy looking girl, but will never bring her home to mama.

How She Dances

Everyone has their own inner freak, and sometimes that inner freak reveals itself on the dance floor, especially after a few drinks. However, if your dance moves are extremely risqué, you are not only going to attract the type of guy who has no plans for the future, but will only attract guys interested in hooking up after the club. This will also tell any man of your dreams that you could become an embarrassing liability at a family wedding or work function if you have a couple drinks and music starts playing. Remember, there is always a time and place for your inner freak to come out. It’s usually in private rooms with your partner, not out in the middle of the dance floor while wearing a micro-skirt. Tease & Please: 7 Lessons You Can Learn From Strippers

Who She Talks To

The men you flirt and converse with while at the club will also give a clear message to potential suitors as to what type of person you may be. If we see you flirting with numerous men to use them for a night of free drinks and endless attention, that tells us you are immature, manipulative and probably too consumed with yourself to build a long-term relationship with us. If you are actively seeking the man of your dreams, don’t let your standards fall on club night. It is possible to find the man of your dreams in a club, but not if you’re paying attention to the wrong guys. Get our e-book "The 14 Step Program to Finding and Keeping the Man of Your Dreams"

Behavior Inside and Outside the Club

Are you totally wasted, stumbling around drunk inside the club and hugging or kissing anything walking? If that sounds like you, you can bet you’ll just end up being used by men who see an opportunity for their own gratification. Being in control while having fun is sexy and shows quality men that you enjoy the moment and don’t have to rely on overloading on alcohol to have fun. Make sure you are not out in the parking lot engaging in crude sexual acts or compromising situations - you may not be with the man of your dreams, but if he walks by and notices you in a less than flattering scenario, he will be sure to stay far away from you in the future.

What you need to understand about men at a club is that there are two types. There’s the guy who’s just out hanging with his buddies. He’s not there to really meet anyone. He’s just having a good time. If he meets someone, then great. If not, then no big deal. The second guy is there for one thing and one thing only. Think National Geographic. It’s mating season. Now, these two types of men will react in very different ways to the women in the club. It takes a keen eye to spot these differences, but after reading this, you’ll catch on.

The girl who shows up to the club begging for attention by wearing extremely revealing clothing and acting extremely flirtatious will get looks from all the guys. Many of them will approach her. She’s given off a signal that MOST men will read as “easy”. They’ll look at her as the one to go after and try to bed that night. Or, they’ll exchange numbers with this woman and their ultimate goal will be to try to get her in the bedroom as soon as possible. The One Problem With Being His F%@K Buddy

Now, you know and we know that flirtatious behavior and revealing clothing do not mean a woman is easy, but men WILL read you that way based on your presentation and actions. It’s pretty safe to say that the second type of guy will approach her in the club. The first type of guy will look, but will probably have her figured out. If he does approach her, it will be with the same attitude of “if it happens, great, if not, then no big deal”. The universal way of thinking, though, will be as stated earlier. We’ll look at her like she’s the one to try to bed the same night…or soon after. She’s not the one, for the most part, that any man will be thinking of forming a lasting relationship with.

The woman who shows up to the club, looking good (sexy without all of her assets hanging out), smelling good, and carrying herself with respect gives off a different presence all together. She will stand out no matter where she is. And men, even in the midst of a club, will take notice.

She’s the one who doesn’t have to be the center of attention. She’s the one who doesn’t have to be three sips from drunk to have a good time. She’s the one who doesn’t need twenty guys drooling over her to know she looks good. Ah yes, this woman will definitely get attention. And she’ll get it from both types of guys. But here’s the difference.

A woman who carries herself in this fashion is a powerful lady. She not only understands how important it is to display self-respect, but she also demands others to respect her as well. Yes, she’ll be approached by just as many men as her clueless counterpart, but she’ll be mentally more prepared to handle them. She’ll be able to separate the idiots from the man or men that she MAY give a chance to get to know her. (Need tips on identifying these men? Talk to our Relationship Coaches for guidance.) Like we said, men are reactionary. If you carry yourself with class, the good guys will treat you as such, no matter where they meet you. It’s all dependent on what type of attention YOU’RE trying to get.

Remember, class and self-respect can work anywhere, be it the library, the grocery store, online, or even in the club. You make a man respect you, and he has no choice but to. And those idiots who still come at you sideways won’t stand a chance anyway.

- Relationship Coach Paul V. and Jason B.

www.HowToGetTheManOfYourDreams.com

The 14 Step Program to Finding and Keeping the Man of Your Dreams – eBook

 

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Avoid this Guy! 14 Reasons To Dump Him

 

By Jane Garapick posted Dec 31st YoruTango.com

Sure, he looks cute, but he's really the devil in disguise.A guy who's not relationship material always lets you know; you just have to know what to look for.

When I look back at all the relationships that didn’t work out (that I so wanted to at the time), I realize that in every case, there were early warning signs that each guy gave me that could have given me some idea of the heartbreak I was about to experience if I had only been aware of what to look for. To spare you from what happened to me, to give you the inside scoop on what you can be on the lookout for, here’s my list of the warning signs that clearly let you know that this is a guy to avoid if it's a real relationship you're looking for.

1. He doesn’t call you when he says he’s going to.
Granted, I know that sometimes life can get it the way, and if he’s working late on that big project with the looming deadline it’s possible that time might get away from him once in a while. But if this happens more than once or twice, it’s a sure sign that you’re just not a priority for him right now. If a guy is really interested in starting (or continuing) a real relationship with you, you will be on his mind, and he won’t forget to call.

2. He’s often late and doesn’t call to let you know.
I know there are lots of reasons people can run late that are beyond their control (traffic jam, car problems, being stuck at the office), but a quick call from his cell phone will put your mind at ease, and let you know that you have a few more minutes to try on that one other outfit you were still considering. The point here is about being respectful of your time – we can forgive lateness, even chronic lateness (some people just aren’t good at judging how much time something will take), but not calling to let you know he’ll be a little late? That’s inexcusable and a sure sign that he’s not too concerned about you.

3. He doesn’t show up at all (and doesn’t call) when you have plans to see him.
OK ladies, unless he was (verifiably) unconscious in a hospital somewhere, getting stood up is a “one strike and you’re out” offense. There is absolutely no good reason for this (except the one above), and if you stay with him after a maneuver like that, you’ll be in for a very bumpy emotional ride that’s almost guaranteed to end badly. Cell phone reception is excellent these days (unless he’s a lumberjack working in the great North Woods), so this one is unforgiveable.

4. He has rules about how often he can see you.
It’s one thing to have the boys’ “Wednesday Poker Night”, or something along those lines, but if he’s only willing to get together say, every other weekend (with the exception being a child custody situation), then that’s a sure sign he’s keeping his options open and still scouring the market for something better (at least in his mind – he just doesn’t realize that you’re the best thing going!).

5. He knows way more about you than you know about him.
If you find yourself doing all the talking during your conversations, and when you ask him something about himself he doesn’t say much, it may be because he’s hiding something or doesn’t want to get too close to you. Many guys just aren’t big talkers, but if he hasn’t told you the details of where he works, where he grew up, went to school, etc., and if he gives you vague answers when you ask him about these specifics, then that means he’s keeping you at a distance.

6. You know way more about him than he knows about you.
This one is the flip side to the last warning sign - if he’s so busy talking all about himself, and shows no interest in who you are, what you like to do, or what your idea of the future looks like, this should be a real red flag. The good news about this one is that there’s no danger of taking it personally – it’s all about him. It has nothing to do with you – this kind of guy isn’t interested in anyone – but himself. Steer clear (way clear).

7. He doesn’t tell anyone about you. (Read: No one knows he has a girlfriend – YOU)
If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends, or ask you to hang out with them once in a while, go to a party or get together with them - that’s a sure sign that he’s not sure about the whole thing. Of course you may not want to hang out with his friends much, particularly if they’re a group of partying bachelors, but they should at least know about you, and it should be your decision. How they treat you when you’re around can also be a big tell-tale sign of how things are going or will go – if they kind of treat you like “yeah, you’re the girlfriend of the month, I’ll talk to you if you can make it past week 4”, then that’s a sign of what’s likely to be coming next.

8. He doesn’t invite you to meet his family – ever.
Of course inviting you to meet the family is a big deal, as it should be, and it doesn’t happen until he feels like this thing is going somewhere. So that’s just it – if time is starting to drag on, and he still hasn’t invited you to meet his family, the likelihood is that he’s having doubts about the relationship. There is the outside chance that he’s embarrassed by his family. I have a good friend whose husband’s family (which consists of his elderly mother and Aunt, who raised him together and still both live together) are essentially, well, mildly deranged. They look like the stereotypical “bag ladies”, and even showed up for my friends nuptials wearing multiple layers of ragged clothing and carrying some of their belongings in what were essentially re-useable shopping bags. But he had told her about them fairly early on in their relationship, and she did finally meet them. And let me say, as far as mildly deranged people go, they’re very sweet (I met them at the wedding), and they did a great job at raising their son/nephew.
So the bottom line is that if the relationship has been going on for some time – just to put a number on it, let’s say over 6 months – and he hasn’t invited you to meet his family yet, it’s certainly time to question him about it. If he still doesn’t introduce you? Time to start planning your exit strategy.

9. He doesn’t spend the holidays with you.
I know there are situations, such as when a divorced man wants to spend time with his children at the family holiday get together, but even then he can make time for you either before or after his family time. Everyone knows how special holidays are to us women, and if he doesn’t, then that’s a sign of other issues (for example, not being considerate and thoughtful regarding your feelings). If he’s just taking off on a surf vacation to Bali with his buddies over the holidays because that’s when it’s less crowded, and you’re not invited, then you’re clearly a low priority to him.

10. He’s got lots of female friends – and makes sure you know this.
In my experience, “platonic” friendships are rarely, if ever, that – there are almost always some feelings in one direction. Either the guy is secretly harboring feelings for the girl, or vice versa. And when a guy is in a relationship, he has so much less time to spend with his buddies – why on earth would he ever choose to spend that precious time with another woman? Well, there are a number of reasons he might, and they all involve one deep seated issue or another, and none of them are good. And making sure you know about it? That’s just playing games, and just another reason to get out and find yourself an emotionally healthy man to be in a relationship with.

11. He doesn’t tell you what he’s doing, where he’s going, or when he’ll be back.
If your guy likes to keep you guessing, there’s a reason. This is another sure sign that he’s keeping his options open. In a healthy relationship there’s no hiding or secrets. If he’s not being open and upfront about his whereabouts, then stop worrying about it – just move on.

12. He doesn’t talk about his plans for the future with you.
I’m all for living in the moment and enjoying the “now”. But eventually in a relationship a discussion of future plans has got to come up – otherwise you’ll never know if the two of you are sailing together or heading towards different continents. If he’s not at least occasionally talking about the future with you then chances are, in his mind, you’re not in it.

13. He lets you know he had a life without you and he still has a life without you.
I mean, sure, when you’re first dating, it’s interesting to hear about the places your guy has been and all of the fun times he’s had with his friends. But if he’s still reminiscing about his single life escapades after your relationship has moved to the next level, or worse, making plans to have more of those escapades (without you), then the truth is he still wants to be single. Let him.

14. You feel like if you could just change yourself and not be so needy, this would all work out.
This is by far the biggest warning sign of all. If you start to feel that there’s something wrong with you, or you’re doing something wrong that’s causing him to pull away, and maybe if you just gave him more of the freedom he wants, and wait for him quietly, and…well, you get it. Don’t fall into this trap. If you want a real relationship, equipped with real feelings, real caring, real consideration, and real romance, and he doesn’t, then he’s not the right guy for you and let him (and yourself) go.

If you see any of these warning signs, and especially if you see several of them, chances are that this is not a guy that’s looking for a real relationship right now – or at least not the kind you’re looking for. Your best bet is to walk away gracefully, with your self-esteem intact, and not look back (even if he then starts calling you and chasing you – that’s just a sign of a game-player with deeper issues). Rather than trying to get him to change or waiting for him to come around, try focusing on you and why you’re in a relationship with someone like this. If you find yourself in this type of relationship often, which many of us do, it’s time for some real soul searching to get to the root of it. If you have access to good counseling, take advantage of it, as many times this is the only way to true healing. And it will be worth it in the long run, to get you past the cycle of toxic relationships so you can move on to the kind of true, sustainable love that you want to attract into your life.

Sometimes it’s hard to see when we’re in it, but know that if you’re settling for less than you deserve, there truly is someone out there ready and waiting to give you what you’re looking for – and to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It’s in believing in ourselves, trusting our gut instincts and discovering who we really are and what we’re really looking for, that all the other pieces of the puzzle fall into place and we find ourselves finally getting it right and discovering the love of our lives – the one who doesn’t come with any red flags. And you deserve nothing less than that, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through.

It’s all out there waiting for you!

Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at http://www.gettingtotruelove.com.

 

Check out the Original Article Here

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Why Do I Always Attract Crazy Men?

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted on yourtango.com

The question is, why do some women always attract the crazy men? The answer is you.

Every woman is working with the same pool of men. Say there are four billion men on Planet Earth. This is the pool of men that you have to work with. In this pool, there are going to be gentlemen, pimps, players, hustlers, and psychos. But, it’s the same pool of men. It’s not like the crazy men are coming from outside this pool. The question is, why do some women always attract the crazy men? The answer is you. You can either repel or invite these men into your life. The only reason you attract crazy men is because you talk to them. Like our FaceBook Page

Men look for holes in women’s armor. If you have a weakness, we will find it. In fact, it’s our innate nature. When you spill water, it will find and drip down into every crack and crevice. Men who are attracted to you are much like water. Women who have a solid foundation are less likely to attract crazy men, because there are very few holes in their armor through which the water can enter. With these women, men have to search very hard to find holes. Most will tire themselves out and set out for the easier prey, the same way lions hunt the weakest, not the strongest, of the prey.

There are women who are fun to be with but don’t seem to have holes in their armor. Most men are too afraid to approach these women on a physical level because they can’t find holes to enter. To pierce the armor of these women, the man must have legitimate intentions. These women are less likely to attract crazy men. But, if you are a very open woman and will listen to any conversation, no matter how weird, then you are inviting these crazy men into your life.

In general, some men love easy prey and less work. Easy prey is much easier to sleep with, and usually open to all kinds of experiences. The key women need to know is when to let loose, and when to hold back. It’s okay to be freaky, but remember that we love, and marry, the women whose freakiness is subtle, not obvious. We love to sleep with and look at the women who are obviously freaky, but 9.9 times out of 10, we don’t want to marry them.

Always remember, though, to be courteous, and never judge a book by its cover. There is a difference between a legitimate prospect showing persistent interest in you and a crazy stalker. How can you tell? Well, if a man shows up at your house, and you did not give him your address, he is the latter. If you allow a man to spend the night on your couch and you wake up in the middle of the night with him staring you in the face, he is crazy. And if you continue to allow him to sleep on the couch for any reason, you are also crazy.

If you find yourself asking why you keep attracting crazy men, keep in mind that not everyone accepts these men and their weird ideas or conversations into their lives. The solution is to close up some of the holes in your armor. Set yourself a set of standards to follow, and stick with them. The question is, why would you listen to these men who end up being crazy? What are you curious about? What are you searching for?

Relationship Coach Simon S.

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The One Problem With Being His F%@K Buddy

 

By How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams.com posted on yourtango.com

"How in the hell did this happen when all I wanted was sex?" You have this one hormone to thank.

Well first let's define F%&! Buddy. According to Urbandictionary.com definition numero 6. (The explanation our relationship coaches liked most) breaks it down pretty clear: F%@K Buddy: All the benefits of having a relationship minus the bullshit like acting interested in Every Word He Says, trying to sleep through mega-hertz snores, feeling like shit when he can't use a calendar to remember your birthday, and being nice about it when he doesn't make you come.

"So are things getting serious with Luis?"
"Nope - we skip the serious and go for the fuck. We're fuck buddies."

This type of relationship seems to be the ideal situation for most single, hard working career focused women and we find nothing wrong with this if you are 100% aware of what you are getting into and can keep your feelings in check. HOWEVER...more often than not feelings sneak up on people in these type of relationships and once the sex act is over it can leave the man and especially the woman feeling like there is something missing. Now if un-attached dick is the fix you truly want then there are plenty of pickings out there to choose from but you must ask yourself some very honest questions. Why do I want sex without love, and committment? Is it because I want to fulfill my sexual needs or is it because I am tired of being hurt by men and this is a sure fire way to not let them in....no pun intended. Well, maybe it is.

The act of sex is very bonding whether you realize this or not. It is not just about the exchange of bodily fluids but there is also an exchange of energy as well. Mix this with scientific data that supports how hormones are produced during sex that creates bonds and you are quite certain to have a recipe for emotional attachment mainly on the woman's part. This is why you will hear alot of women say "Why can't I leave him alone when I know he's no good for me?"

Here's what our relationship coaches dug up. According to the following article on LiveScience.com "In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, 'Leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else.' So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle."

Now we know what some of you ladies are going to say, which is it that it happens to guys as well. Yes you are correct, but with men it is not as hormonal and has more to do with their attraction, lust and how you make them feel. Where as with women there is an invisible bond that is being created. If you are having amazing sex with your F%@K Buddy over and over and over again you are sure to sing the blues once he finds his ideal mate and stops seeing you.

Now this unique relationship will be all fine with you until your F%@K Buddy meets The Woman Of His Dreams. (HowToGetTheWomanOfYourDreams.com launching soon!) So without judgement we understand the need and desire for F%@K Buddies but we want to educate you and help you understand that these situations do not always have the most positive outcomes. Someone typically gets their feelings hurt and is left with a broken heart and they will usually ask themselves "How in the hell did this happen to me when all I wanted was just sex?" You have the oxytocin to thank for this. Hopefully this article will help you out and for those who are looking into a F%@K Buddy partnership...you've been warned.

Check out the Original Article Here

12 New Year's Resolutions Every Couple Should Make

 

By Meghan Beresford posted on YourTango.com

 

Making New Year's resolutions as a couple is a sure way to help your relationship rock in 2012.

New Year's resolutions tend to get a bad rap for being, well, fruitless. But making resolutions with a partner can help you stick to your promises and can also strengthen your relationship. This list of resolutions-for-two will help you ring the New Year in right, and keep your relationship rockin' all year long.

1) Do "Good Things" together (and not just around the holidays). Everyone feels generous around the holidays, and in December, soup kitchens get so many volunteers that they have to turn helpers away. These organizations need volunteers desperately at other times of the year, so you and your sweetie will make a huge impact if you skip the Christmas day goodness and volunteer year-round instead. If you're a Christmas lover, do your good deeds on the 25th of each month. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

2) Eat mindfully. When you're coupled, it's easy to cozy up on the couch and shovel down Chinese food while watching movies. Not only does this habit pack on the pounds, but it skips the fun and intimacy that can come with preparing and sharing food, too. Choose healthy recipes, and make your date nights special by cooking and eating together. Better than an overpriced restaurant any day! 11 Romantic Ways To Lose Weight As A Couple

3) Sweat together. If you're part of a tubby tandem and serious about ditching extra pounds, enlist your partner as a workout buddy. If you're not overweight, exercising with your partner is still a great way to improve your overall health. And everyone knows that the rosy cheeks and heavy breathing exercise brings reminds us of other things that involve rosy cheeks and heavy breathing. Speaking of which...

4) Make sexytime a priority. When we're busy, sex can get lost in the shuffle, but it's too good for your relationship, your health, and your mood to skip. Make time to reconnect with your partner in the sack by scheduling a weekend "staycation." If the sex has become lackluster, put some energy into figuring out how to make it exciting again. It might be a new position, a new toy, or just a straight-up change of venue (kitchen, anyone?).

5) Stop squabbling. If you have a serious beef with your partner, it's important to bring it up, but try to avoid petty arguments and insults. One nitpicky fight isn't a big deal, but over time, small backbiting comments can erode the foundation of your relationship. Pick your battles. When you sense a fight on the horizon, try to calm yourself momentarily and ask "Is this worth disturbing the peace for?" Don't Let The Toilet Seat Ruin Your Relationship

6) Strive for emotional honesty. Even the bluntest among us has avoided explaining feelings to a lover at one time or another. It can be hard to share with your partner (especially if you're experiencing a thorny, irrational emotion like jealousy) but it's important that you keep your mate in the loop so that he can act appropriately. Saying "I feel" instead of "you made me feel" will help you and your partner stay focused on resolving the negative emotions without it turning into a blamefest.

7) Nuke multitasking. When you're spending time with your sweet, banish buzzes, bleeps and chirps from your computer and phone. Don't scroll through your texts while your partner is talking to you, or IM a friend while you're supposed to be planning dinner. You may think you can do two things at once, but when you do, you're sending your partner the message that they're not worth your full attention. If you both have things you must do on your phone or computer, set a block of time aside to accomplish the tasks, and then move on with your evening (and don't even think of counting your tech time together as a 'date'!). Is Multitasking Destroying Relationships?

8) Treat your partner as well as you treat your friends. It's easy to take your romantic partner for granted, and sometimes we don't treat our lovers as well as we should. Like family, we assume that they're in it for the long haul and when we're stressed, our romantic relationships that take extra abuse. Ask yourself if you say or do things to your partner that you wouldn't do to your best friend, and if you discover that you do, adjust your behavior accordingly. And, remember, it takes practice to change a habit; don't give up if you don't change overnight.

9) Listen. Don't nod automatically as he talks. Don't wait for your turn to speak. Don't do the dishes while he tells you about his day. Sit down, look him in the eye, pay attention to what he says, and ask follow-up questions. This is one of the best things you can do for your relationship. Active listening is a skill that has to be honed with time and effort, but it's incredibly important. Work at it.

10) Criticize less than you praise. When you spend a lot of time with someone, it becomes easy to overlook the things that are great about them. Instead of dwelling on his bad habits, remind yourself of the reasons you fell for him in the first place. Then remind him! Couples who have been together for a long time tend to forget to compliment one another. Try to dish out three compliments for every criticism, and don't be shocked if he mirrors your actions. Shared appreciation breeds kindness and consideration, and what couple couldn't use more of that?

11) Break a bad habit together. If you and your man share a habit that's less-than-great for you, help one another break it instead of encouraging the behavior within your relationship. Instead of nudging one another outside for smoke breaks, make a pact to limit yourselves to a certain number of cigarettes a day. If you drink too much together, make a two-drink rule and try to stick to it.

12) Play! One of the worst things about being an adult is the total lack of juice boxes, naptime and recess. (What's up with that?) Thankfully, the dullness of the workday world doesn't have to extend to your personal life. Infuse your partnership with a sense of play. Have pillow fights, talk in funny voices, and draw mustaches on the models in your ladymags. Do something creative together... take a guitar class, throw pottery, or learn to roll sushi. Whatever. Stepping outside of your routine can bring you and your partner closer, and it'll ensure that things never get boring between you. Tips For A Great New Year's Eve

Here's to a Happy New Year... and to your relationship growing stronger than ever in 2012!

 

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