Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Top 10 Signs He's Into You

Top 10 Signs He's Into You

He Leans In

If a guy is interested, you'll find that his body will lean forward toward yours. This move can be either very subtle or extremely "in your face" (literally!). It's his way of letting you know he'd like to get closer. Once his interest is piqued, you'll both find it hard to pull away!

 

His Eyes Have It

We've all heard the proverb, "The eyes are the window to the soul." If he's interested in you, he'll focus on you with those piercing peepers. Return his romantic gaze with a quiet smile and let him know you’re interested.

 

He’s Got the Touch

If a guy is interested, he'll want to be near you. He'll also want to take every opportunity to touch you. Maybe it's your arm, your leg, your knee -- it doesn't matter, as long as his presence is physical and affectionate. It's his way of letting you know he likes you.

 

He Just Happened to Run Into You

Coincidence is out. Serendipity is in. Those so-called "happy accidents" may not be so accidental after all. Perhaps his "surprise" appearance at your favorite Starbucks or hangout is a signal that he's trying to connect with you (but doesn't want you to think he's a stalker!). Take this as a positive sign and make the most of your next encounter. You may find that you share more in common than just an addiction to double lattes.

 

He Listens!

How do you know that you have a guy's attention? When he's not talking about himself. It's that simple. The next time you're in a bar, listen closely to any table full of men and you’ll hear them speaking rapturously about their favorite subject: themselves. When a man shuts up and really listens to what you have to say, you know it must be love (or at least a strong attraction). He'll put that male ADD to rest once and for all after he's found the one.

 

He’ll Watch a Chick Flick

Chances are he'd much rather be watching the big game, but it's an important sign if he shows an interest in the things you like as well. If he's happy to watch a movie you picked out or doesn't complain when it's time to hit the mall for a little shopping trip, you've made a serious leap forward in the dating game! Give him extra points if he makes the popcorn.

 

He Laughs at Your Jokes

Can't tell a joke to save your life? Does he laugh at it anyway? Men are very in touch with their sense of humor (women often complain that men never take anything seriously, right?), so if he's sending some hearty laughter your way, it's a good bet he's looking at you as relationship material.

 

He’s Nervous

If a guy's into you, you’ll make him nervous. He'll get goose bumps or a rapidly beating heart just from being around you. Look for signs like unexplained laughter, sweaty palms and fidgeting. Guys always want to be in control of their emotions -- we like to be in charge. If he has trouble doing that around you, it's most likely because you make him nervous and excited. Don't take it for granted; help him to relax and he'll thank you by being a great guy you can depend on.

 

He Opens Up

Men and women have very different brain chemistries: She’s verbal; he’s not. He’s driven by visual desires, while she’s guided by deep emotions. Women are taught to rationally express their feelings and feel no shame in crying, and men punch things. So if you get a guy to actually open up and express his emotions, consider it a major achievement in your relationship. Discussing your feelings for each other is a powerful bonding experience for the two of you and serves to strengthen a relationship for whatever challenges the future may bring.

 

He Keeps You Close

Romance is all about reciprocity -- both emotional and physical. Translation: meet his advances with your own. If he sits close to you, maintain that proximity. If he grabs your hand, initiate handholding later. This not only signals your own interest, but also serves to keep his.

 

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/top-10-signs-hes-you/4-b-382722#ixzz1nie0Nw3M

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

4 Signs That a Man's Ready for Marriage -- and 4 That He's Not Read More

 

How to tell if he's ready to take the next step

Sherry Amatenstein ON ivillage.com

Men and marriage -- ever wonder what it takes to get the two together? If you're trying to get your boyfriend to make a commitment, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you can stop trying to manipulate, sweet talk or pressure him into proposing. The bad news is that there's nothing you can do to speed up the process. That's not to say it'll never happen. Men fall in love and get married every day. But men have their own biological clocks. When they're ready, they head down the aisle -- but not a moment sooner. In the meantime, it's not possible to convince a commitment-phobic guy that you're the best thing that will ever happen to him -- even if you are! If you're anxious to get married, your best bet may be looking for someone who doesn't need convincing to get down on one knee.
The Sex and the City gang once compared a marriage-ready man to a taxi: At a certain point in his life, he becomes ready for commitment. His "available" light goes on and the next lady in his life gets the ring. Luckily for us, it's not that hard to tell the difference between a man who's got the light on and one who's just driving around in the dark. Want some help? Here are four hints that a man has present-day potential to become a mate for life:
His Oat-Sowing Days Are Over
According to John Malloy, author of Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others, which details the results of a survey of 2,500 men, the singles scene no longer appeals to a man who is ready to marry. Malloy interviewed men from ages 17 to 70 who were about to marry; all admitted they felt increasingly out of place in the bars, pool halls and dance clubs that were once their favorite hangouts.
Joe T., a 30-year-old married computer technician in Denver, confirms, "For years I spent every Friday night at a singles bar till I realized I was just pretending to have fun drinking and smoking and hitting on pretty girls who weren't interested. The thought of staying home and chilling seemed much more appealing." Rob F's epiphany came via a shocking realization. The 36-year-old recently married lawyer from New York recalls, "I started not wanting to bed models because I'd have to struggle through a conversation afterward."

He's Financially Independent
Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a California psychotherapist, explains, "Men do have a biological clock, but their timing is different from women. Most men's priorities tend to be focused on winning financial security before having a family. If he's still struggling to pay his bills, he's not going to want to add the burden of supporting a wife." To take it further, the man you're looking for is a grown-up -- someone who can be counted on. He's able to commit to a job, not to mention family and friends. On the romantic front, even if he's not ready to wed right away, he's at least able to discuss the concept of commitment.
Julia, a 27-year-old Philadelphia paralegal, says, "I had a definite type: ski bums and musicians who waited tables to make money. They were sexy as hell, but I was expected to pay for most dates and they'd be reluctant to ask me out for New Year's, never mind the rest of my life. I was miserable. Something had to change." That "something" was her type: The next time Julia went to a singles dance, she tried something new. Instead of seeking out a drummer with six-pack abs, she met an accountant. He may have lacked a hard body, but he did have a loving heart and a steady job and, most importantly, the urge to merge. They're planning a wedding

He's Discovered His Desire to Be a Dad
Carol Morgan, a Boca Raton matchmaker, observes, "He's ready for marriage when he stares longingly at kids and suggests you would have beautiful children." [Editor's note: I'll say!] If your man isn't as straightforward , take a cue from John Malloy, who says, "Most men want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball and do the male-bonding thing." His research has found that age can have a great effect on a man's attitude toward marriage. Most college-educated men don't consider marriage as a serious possibility until age 26. In fact, they enter a phase of high commitment between the ages of 28 and 33. Men who've gone on to graduate school-- doctors, lawyers, etc. -- hit their commitment-peak phase from age 30 to 36. But Malloy says that once a single man hits 37, the chances that he'll marry start to fade. And after his 43rd birthday, he'll probably remain a bachelor for life.
That's not to say that a man won't catch marriage/fatherhood fever later in life. Mitch J. was 39 when he started seriously wanting a child. The problem for the Los Angeles film publicist: His live-in girlfriend had two children from a previous marriage and no intention of becoming pregnant ever again. Mitch recalls agonizing: "If I stay, I know I will have a good relationship and a stable future. If I leave, who knows if I'll ever find a woman I really love and who wants children." Finally, he chose to leave. Within a year he met Pauline. They're now married and have a baby girl.

He's Your Boyfriend in Name -- Your Husband in Spirit
April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League, explains, "When a man is ready to become a husband -- your husband -- he starts acting like a husband. For instance, he will make plans for the future, introduce you to his friends and family, and not only call you daily but want to tell you the details of his day and have a desire to hear about yours."
Carol Morgan adds, "He's honest and open, and when you enter the room he doesn't immediately make his computer screen go black so you can't see what he's doing. He'll even -- gasp! -- let you answer the phone [at his place]." And if he makes room for you in his closet, baby, your single days are numbered. He'll also listen when you tell him that you're ready for marriage. Malloy says that the key finding in his book about men and marriage was this: "Seventy-three percent of the women coming out of marriage-license bureaus with their future husbands told us that they put pressure on their man to get a proposal. In most cases, this pressure didn't involve an attempt to manipulate their man into marrying them but was simply a result of telling their man what they were feeling."
If you're not sure about your guy's intentions, take notice of the way he acts and, more importantly, the way he talks about your future. If he's making promises but hasn't delivered in a reasonable amount of time, or if he objects to any talk about your future at all, his prospects for becoming a groom are probably pretty grim. But don't just assume he's not ready. Be direct with him and tell him how you feel. Then you'll know exactly where you stand. If he's not ready, he's not ready. In that case, better to move on to a man who is. Who knows if he'll be flashy, but his "available" light will certainly sparkle.
Not sure that he's marriage material? Keep reading.

He's Not Marriage Material If He:
Says he has no interest in tying the knot.
Instead of trying to change his mind, believe him and move on.
Buys a Porsche.
Or other high-end items that no man saving up for a ring or a future would purchase. Carol Morgan says, "If he acts financially immature and irresponsible, he's thinking 'me,' not 'we.'"
Calls his married friends "losers."
If he wants to couple up, he considers a man and a woman building a future together beautiful, not pathetic.
Continually makes you cry.
And they're not tears of happiness. If he's unreliable, abusive, a liar, cheat and/or uber-flirt, divorce yourself from this relationship before it takes a trip to court to do so.

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/4-signs-mans-ready-marriage-and-4-hes-not/4-a-283721?p=5#ixzz1nidDGT8z

Contemplating a Threesome? 10 Dos and Don'ts to Consider

 

From ivillage.com By SARA STARKMAN

threesome

Threesomes are a tricky subject. They can be a very different experience depending on the relationship between the three people involved. If you're toying with the idea, here are some general dos and don'ts to keep in mind.

DO Find a girlfriend with a similar openness and who you're comfortable with.
Threesomes, although much less taboo these days, are still a pretty wild experience. For most women, getting naked and being physical with a man is intimidating enough, no less another woman. With this in mind, it is important to share the experience with someone you're close with. You've most likely been naked with this person before, discussed intimate details of one another's sex lives, and would be able to be completely uninhibited together. As author, sexual educator and nurse Nina Hartley explains, "Your first attempt may be awkward, as first attempts often are…Prepare to be surprised and to learn things about yourself and your friend that you didn't know before."

DON'T Participate in a threesome with a girl who’s a stranger.
Partaking in a threesome with a girl you don't know will make the experience difficult for a couple of reasons. Primarily, you may feel as if you're competing for the man's attention. Some may find it easier to be intimate with a woman they're close with rather than someone they barely know. Nina Hartley reinforces this point by explaining that, "Threesomes only work if the feelings between the two women are genuinely warm, accepting and supportive."

DO Choose a man you don't know well or may never see again.
Although there’s no shame in having a threesome, if it’s your first time (or even if it isn’t) you’re less than likely to experience the choreographed threesome scene in Wild Things. Any emotional attachment to a man may cause discomfort when having to share him in bed. Plus, it will be much more fun to discuss this later with your girlfriend, when you can omit any details that should be left to the confines of that bedroom.

DON'T Have a threesome with your boyfriend or husband (or someone else’s boyfriend or husband).
There are so many reasons why this is a potential disaster. Sharing your significant other with a friend is like watching your worst nightmare come alive. You’re allowing your girlfriend to be intimate with your other half. Although you may initially feel OK with this, nothing will prepare you for that visual.

Cosmopolitan's relationship expert explains that "threesomes are an emotional minefield that even the most self-assured couples struggle to navigate…Watching your lover writhing naked with someone else is bound to hurt." The same goes for participating in a threesome as the third-party. Entering into a bed that is already so intimate for two people can be a difficult role to take on. This could also make future dinner parties and get-togethers extremely uncomfortable for years to come.

DO Allow things to happen naturally.
Threesomes are ultimately an altered expression of love-making (times three). Although it is not generally touted as such, it is three different pairs of people breaking social sexual norms, and illustrating passion, intimacy and sexual experimentation in its rawest form. That being said, "All three of you have your own rules and limits so understanding and respecting one another's comfort level should be a top priority," said a recent article on askmen.com.

DON'T Make a list of things you can and cannot do in bed.
Threesomes should be wild, weird, and wonderful. If you feel the need to regulate every move and interaction, you may have to stop and wonder if you're ready to engage in this kind of sexual activity.

DO Get a little tipsy.
In no way am I promoting excessive alcohol consumption, but I am saying that a glass or two of wine to lighten the mood, loosen inhibitions, and let your hair down, can be helpful. As long as the wine (or whatever your drink) is to help calm your nerves, and not the catalyst behind the threesome; there is no harm in procuring a slight buzz.

DON'T Get drunk as a skunk.
If you feel the need to get completely wasted prior to your threesome, or if it's the reason you suddenly think that a threesome is a good idea- it's not. Your decision should be made completely sober, and you don't want to engage in such a sensual and unique experience while simultaneously wondering why the room is spinning.

DO Be considerate of all parties.
Just because you're engaging in a "naughty" act doesn't mean that all good-girl habits go straight out the door. Especially if you're following the previous dos and don'ts, you never want to alienate your friend (if, for example, you seem to connect more with your male participant). Everyone should take turns, or engage in activities, simultaneously.

DON'T Forget you're partaking in a threesome.
It's easy for you and your friend to take turns with the man in your bed but, that's not really a threesome. You should be exploring all participants making sure you take time to experience everyone so as not to spoil your "man of choice." This way, he has time to gauge his next move, and you two have time to keep him lusting for more.

7 Things We Wish Men Knew About Our Bodies

 

7 Things We Wish Men Knew About Our Bodies

February 28th, 2012 - By jaustin on madamenoire.com

"Beautiful black woman"

johngloverspeaks.com

After enough men and enough mishaps, you realize that there are some things men just didn’t get the memo on when it comes to the woman’s body. Like these:

"T-shirt with handprints on boobs"

zazzle.com

Boobs bruise

Sometime after high school, all guys learned—no more hickies! But, that doesn’t mean bruises are a thing of the past. Ever woken up the next morning with black and blue finger prints on your chest? Some men get a little too excited and in the heat of passion, don’t realize that they’re grabbing your breasts as if they’re planning on stealing them. And while it’s nice we get them that excited, it’s not nice wearing turtlenecks for the next week

"Couple in bed"

necolebitchie.com

We need foreplay

For men, foreplay is a privilege. It’s like whipped cream on top of an already incredible sundae. For women, it’s essential. Without enough foreplay, sex can actually be painful for a woman and even cause small tears in the vagina.

"Couple cuddling in bed"

burtsystems.com

Post-coital cuddling

Did you know that when you orgasm, a chemical is released in your body that instantly makes you feel more trusting of the person who gave you that orgasm? That’s why it is particularly hurtful when a guy just rolls away and makes a sandwich immediately after sex. We feel chemically more vulnerable than ever.

"Slow Down Sign"

cpsu.org.au

Harder never means faster

Ever had a man move like a jack hammer while you’re having sex? It does nothing for a woman. But sometimes, when we say “harder” they hear “faster” and then, as our head is repeatedly hitting the headboard, we regret saying anything at all.

"Woman pulling her hair"

naani.com

We don’t all PMS

The worst thing that ever happened in the world of menstruation is that men got wind of PMS. Now, if you show any emotion other than complete apathy while on your period, your boyfriend says, “Uh oh, you’re PMS’ing!” And you feel like any of your emotions during menstruation are written off as just that. But guess what? Not all women experience symptoms of PMS! Most women who do, know it. So if a woman is saying, “I really am not PMS’ing! I’m actually pissed!” she is probably telling the truth.

"Woman eating a burger"

allaboutyou.com

No sex on a full stomach

We know—you think there is nothing sexier than a woman willing to get down on a double chili cheeseburger and onion rings at dinner. But, women don’t want to have sex on a full stomach! Not only do we have a visibly bloated stomach, we can also just become nauseated and feel far too heavy to move around. If we want a salad, men should just let us get a salad. They will be grateful for it in the

"Women drinking"

marvelous-girl.com

2+ drinks=0 orgasms

A woman’s ability to orgasm drops drastically with every cocktail. So, whether a guy is trying to liquor you up for a one-night stand, or your long time boyfriend is trying to loosen you up after a sexual dry spell, that’s not the way to go!

bedroom.

10 Signs He's in Love

 

AskMen.com ON Mar 18, 2011

You've dated your fair share of women and have always enjoyed keeping your options open, but lately there's this one woman that has you wondering if she's "the one." In order to help you figure this out, I have compiled the following list of the top 10 ways to know you're in love.

Watch video: Find Out if He Will Marry You

10. You've forgotten your ex

More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.

Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.

9. You can't stop thinking about her

Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she thinks of you half as much as you think of her. You wonder what she's up to and even consider calling her (but refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).

But it gets worse. You're out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much she would like that particular item, or you notice a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.

If she's the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up — and you've even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions — then you don't really even need to read on to know if you're in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).

8. You care about her

There is a reason why you don't really want to know too much about the chick you had a one-night stand with: You don't love her. When you're in love with a woman, you want to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. You truly care about her and her feelings.

If you truly love a woman, you feel bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. You don't try to cheer her up because you have to, but because you can't help it.

7. You find her quirks charming

The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes — just in case — and that, when she's eating, she can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.

She does and says things that make her different, and you like it. You can't quite put your finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. You like her just the way she is.

6. You have great chemistry

You can't be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that you could fall in love with, if you aren't there already.

5. You don't notice other women as much

Did you see that gorgeous blonde that just walked by? What do you mean, "no"?!?

Although you can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when you're in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, you don't seem to be flirting half as much as you used to.

You are slowly realizing that she's often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits you just fine.

4. You love spending time with her

This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. You look forward to seeing her, and don't care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.

Furthermore, when you're not together, you miss her and wish you were spending time together

3. You don't mind compromising sometimes

There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her it's different. Not that she asks you to, but you don't mind missing a night out with the guys to be with her. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her into your plans or altering them to accommodate her.

You also find yourself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although your friends find this very amusing, you know that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like yours.

2. Other priorities take a back seat

You used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner, you don't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but your workaholic tendency of bringing home your work on weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to you as of late.

Your ever-important "to do" list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render your other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that you absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?

1. You start thinking about the future and she's in it

It used to be that the future with a woman meant your date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only do you plan to see her this weekend, but you want to see her a year from now as well.

When planning your next vacation, you know you want to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny you happen to meet while you're there. And when you get an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, you ask her to be your date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if you'll still be together.

She's the one

If you are currently dating a woman that makes you act in any of the ways mentioned above, then you, my friend, are seriously falling for her. It's time to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.

Read More http://www.ivillage.com/10-signs-hes-love/6-a-127089?p=3#ixzz1nibwuqBo

11 Things That Women Look For In A Man

Written by Ariel Crockett on HelloBeautiful.com

 

Men often think they have all the answers when it comes to what women want and while some do have a pretty good idea, many other men are WAY off the mark. Most of the things about youBlack Couple or your character that you think the ladies love, nine times out of ten is the very reason she won’t even give you the time of day. Oh don’t worry fellas, we are well aware of the stares and cat calls you often make to get our attention.

We are aware you are talking to us as we walk past you and you hit us with the “Aye…Aye…Aye girl come here” or the infamous “Damnnnnnn, baby let me talk to you” but fellas in all honesty, we ignore you. And the fact of the matter is that we aren’t ignoring you to be rude, we ignore you because you’re rude. So in order to help the brothas out when it comes to women, here are 11 things that women look for in a man:

11. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. If you approach a woman in a respectful manner, you’ve already earned yourself a couple brownie points. If she sees that you respect your mother (Do not confuse this with being a “mama’s boy”) then half the battle is already won, because a man that loves and respects his mother, with time will love and respect you. Now, keep in mind ladies this isn’t a one-way street, you have to ENTER the relationship demanding respect because the way you start a relationship is the way you finish it.

10. Be Attentive. Okay so we like compliments, who doesn’t. A woman wants to know that you pay enough attention to her to notice that she got a new cut or changed her hair color. She wants you to notice that she lost 5 pounds just from eating at Subway for a week, yeah it sounds stupid and annoying but just wait a few more years and you will find that you want her to do the same to you too.

9. Nice Appearance. Mind you this is number 9 because while it’s not at all all about looks, they are very important. For instance, not only is it a plus if you are handsome but if you are clean cut and smell nice as well. Keep in mind that the top 3 things women check out the moment they lay eyes on you is your teeth, nails and shoes. If a guy has nice teeth and clean nails, his hygiene is usually on point, and if he has nice shoes or big feet well then ladies you know….

8. Stability. Brothas, this one is important for a few reasons: first its’ important because women need to know that if for whatever reason either one of you fall, you have a back up plan to pick each other back up. The man’s job is to be the provider and women hold men to that very idea, if you are over 25, without a college degree or job/career honey, you are highly unstable. The second reason this is important is because it leads into the next factor:

7. Security. Women need a man that is secure not only financially, internally but physically as well. Please refer back to #8 for further explanation on the reasons women need financial security. Now men need to be internally secure so that your self-confidence never becomes an issue. Women need physical security from men because of the common role of the father figure (or any kind of male figure you’ve had in your life) in our life, once a man has a daughter one of his top priorities is to protect his daughter and that idea tends to carry on into many women’s adult lives. Typically, once the daughter becomes married, it is her man’s job to take on the role of her protector and provider (ladies keep in mind that it’s okay to be independent and have your man be all of these things as well).

6. Responsibility. Men we have to want to trust that you can be responsible and hold it down for us ladies. If you don’t take responsibility for your own business, we know that we definitely can’t count you to take responsibility for anything or anybody else. In other words, if you don’t pay your rent/bills on time every month but hop on a new pair of Jordan’s as soon as they come out, then we can’t count on you to not get ghost once a child is involved , which automatically deems you irresponsible.

5. A chase. After playing a game so long it gets boring because it is predictable, you already know what that person is going to do or say. Maybe you are highly attractive and you’ve grown accustomed to the opposite sex flocking to you, fellas this is your opportunity to do something she is not used to. This is your monkey wrench per se and get prepared to toss it her way, be her remix. Do something she is not used to and send her on a chase, make her say to herself “wait I thought he wanted me.” Send your girl on a SMALL chase and make her come to you first, just be mindful that this chase is small so don’t be disrespectful and don’t make it so dramatic. This can be confusing but just think of it in the sense that we always want what we can’t have, only she can have you she just has to work for it.

4. Maturity. Listen, If I wanted to deal with a kid I’d call “Chris Hansen With Dateline MSNBC.” In other words if you’re an adult, act like it. Women really cannot stand immature men so if you are immature either grow up or find an immature woman to be with.

3. Great Sex. This one can be tricky because it really just depends on who you are and your likes and dislikes. With some women bad sex is a total deal breaker and to some it’s either not that serious or looked at as something that can be taught.

2. Creativity. To be frank, dating can get a little tired if done too often and it can really become sort of redundant. Do something creative for me or to me, I don’t want you to do the same thing to me that Brian did in 02′, make me want to look forward to our time spent otherwise it will all start to look and feel the same.

1. Be emotionally involved. Now I understand that every man is simply not at that stage in there life where they are ready to sit down with their woman and fully communicate. Say it with me fellas, fully communicate. Fully Communicate as in a mutual conversation on things that mean a lot to you, not just you acting as if you’re listening to her ramble off into the wee hours of the morning about what one of her co-workers, whom you have never met, did to the copy machine at work. Make the conversation mutual, listen to her talk, give conscious feedback and vice vera. She tells you these things because she trusts that she can come to you and confide in you when she wants to get something off of her chest. Yeah so she gets a little beside herself and talks too much, if you really want to be with this woman then deal with it.

Men take this information with a grain of salt because you also have to approach the right woman and expect her to want these things (or similar) as well, if she is mature and sophisticated, this is likely what she is looking for. However, if she is immature and lacks class, this list probably doesn’t apply to her. Women, you can’t demand these things from a man unless you’ve got it together yourself. You cannot set out to expect class, respect and sophistication from a man when you have not yet reached these levels yourself.

What do you guys think a woman looks for in a man?

 

Check out the original article here

Sunday, February 19, 2012

The Rules: How to Have a Lasting Long-Distance Relationship

 

By Josey Miller on ivillage.com

Dating is hard. Doing it across state lines is harder! Follow these rules to keep it together even when you’re apart

     

    Agree on Your Commitment Level

    Couples in long-distance relationships know they’re taking a risk, not to mention making a few sacrifices. But if you see a real future for the two of you, the sacrifices won’t seem to matter. Still, before you get involved in a long-distance relationship, there are a few things you have to establish. Are you exclusive or are you seeing other people? Don’t assume that it’s one or the other if you’ve never discussed it, especially if you’re looking to keep things one-on-one. “With long-distance relationships, you need to have a detailed, intimate conversation, including whether the connection is monogamous or open,” says Tonya Reiman, author of The Body Language of Dating: Read His Signals, Send Your Own, and Get the Guy. “Confirming the level of commitment will help to avoid unnecessary jealousy issues and fights.” If you think this is the one, get ready for some hard, but hopefully rewarding, work. “The amount of time couples are able to maintain a long-distance relationship really depends upon how they nurture it,” says Reiman.

Don’t Keep Secrets

Honesty is paramount to any relationship, but especially one that’s maintained from different cities, states, even countries. It’s crucial to be forthcoming -- especially about your own insecurities. As a matter of fact, revealing what makes you anxious can lead to improvements in the relationship, as well as a greater level of sensitivity from your partner. “Call when you get home from a night out, and tell your significant other, ‘I really wish you were here,’” adds Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide. Avoid constantly talking about one person your faraway mate may see as a romantic threat. “And don't kid yourself,” says Tiger. “Spending all of your time with one person can easily lead to temptation, so make sure you hang out with lots of people.”

 

Surprise Each Other

Routine is actually a good thing when it comes to long-distance relationships. You can look forward to your next conversation or visit because you know exactly when it’s going to happen. But every now and then, step up the romance a bit. That means calling unexpectedly and “upping the physical anticipation with [phone] sex and saucy email banter,” says Tiger. But don’t invest your money in flowers: “Surprise

Schedule Daily Communication

“Speaking to someone on a daily basis is what keeps the conversation flowing. Sharing the minutiae of each other's daily lives is what keeps a relationship strong and thriving,” explains Reiman. With email, IM, texting, Skype and the good old-fashioned telephone, there’s no excuse not to talk every day. And, yes, we do mean every single day. After all, if you lived in the same city or, better yet, the same home, wouldn’t you talk that often? Keep each other looped in to everything from the finer points on up to the broader news that matters to you most, and you’ll feel closer to one another, both literally and figuratively. “If possible, these conversations should be scheduled so the couple feels a sense of loyalty and consistency,” says Reiman.

 

 

Maintain Your Sex Life

Just because you don’t sleep in the same bed every night, doesn’t mean your relationship between visits has to consist of dry spell after dry spell. On the contrary, says sex expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., contributor to GoodinBed.com, “Our brains are our biggest sex organ.” So use the distance to your advantage by stimulating each other mentally and therefore sexually. “Learn how to talk (and text) dirty,” suggests Tiger. “It doesn’t have to be overt -- just enough to make each other wonder if you're fully clothed.”

 

Plan Frequent Visits

Reiman recommends that long-distance daters see each other in the flesh at least one weekend a month. You know the excitement of being asked out on a second date while you’re still on the first one? Do the same here. Never finish a visit without planning the next trip. But, says Reiman, “If you can't physically see each other as much as you would like, virtual dates can work wonders.” Skype, anyone?

 

Send Cards and Gifts

Texts, Facebook, Tweets -- all of the electronic communication options at our disposal have made long-distance dating much easier, that’s for certain. But how did couples do it in the pre-email days? Introducing… the pen and paper! (Remember them?) “The major thing missing during a long-distance relationship is physical proximity to your partner,” explains Tiger. “Snail mail, while no substitute, brings you that much closer to your sweetheart, because you're touching the paper he touched and reading the lines he wrote by hand.” How’s that for a romantic thought? And she even takes it a step farther: “This is why spritzing the paper -- very lightly! -- with your perfume or cologne is a nice touch, even if it's a little cheesy.”

 

Trust Each Other

“Commitment is a statement of intention. If you know your partner well, and a regular routine is kept, issues of trust will not rear their ugly heads,” explains Reiman. That said, trust also means giving one another the benefit of the doubt. If your guy says he’ll call you after work around 6 p.m., but the phone doesn’t ring until 7 p.m., assume he was pulled into a meeting with his boss, not having drinks with that hot girl in accounting. Just because your imagination can have the tendency to run wild, doesn’t mean you should let it.

 

Stay Social

If it’s Saturday night and you’re watching Saturday Night Live with your cat because, le sigh, your boyfriend lives a few states away, it’s time to take a step back. “It is imperative that you each have a social life in your own city,” says Reiman. “Without your own world of opportunities and enjoyment, you lose your sense of security and independence.” Going out with supportive friends will keep you busy and in a positive state of mind. Building new friendships also boosts confidence, which can enhance your relationship. “There is nothing more attractive to a partner than someone who is confident,” says Reiman

 

Set an End Goal

How long is too long to be in a long-distance relationship? Well, that depends on you, your guy and your respective situations, but at some point you’ll need to live in the same city. (You may even expect to have a ring on your finger!) “There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel, a time when you’ll be in the same place, or at least the understanding that one of you will have to move at some point,” says Tiger. “If you’re in a new relationship, this might be too intense a topic to broach for a while, but you can still talk about the fact that you’ll need to talk about it [eventually].” She suggests setting a deadline. For example, agree that after three months you’ll have a “state of the union” conversation. After all, if you’re both in it for the long haul, these are decisions you’ll want to make sooner rather than later. That way you’ll know the relationship is -- or isn’t -- right for you.

 

Itch: The Honeymoon is Over

Why: For the first few months of your marriage, everything is wonderful and exciting and new -- then reality sets in. It’s really common for couples to suddenly feel like their relationship is more routine than romance. “When you’re dating and falling in love and planning a wedding and honeymoon, there’s constant stimulation and variety. It’s an adrenaline-filled period. Then you settle into more of a domesticated routine and you get more comfortable with each other,” Kerner says. As a result, life can suddenly feel boring and you may question why you decided on happily-ever-after with this man.

What to Do: Even though you’re busy establishing yourself as a married couple, it’s important to continue to grow as separate people, too. “Newlyweds often make the mistake of isolating themselves; they fall into the trap of doing everything together,” says Kerner. “It’s never too early to assert yourselves as individuals. Developing good relationship habits like this at the outset of the marriage is important. Just because you’re sharing a life doesn’t mean you’re sharing everything.” Krasnow thinks this advice is paramount throughout your union. “The real secret to having a long marriage is to find your own sense of purpose and passion outside of your partnership.” Try signing up to learn a new language or start a book club with your friends, and also encourage those beer-drinking-music-playing guys’ nights. It gives you time away from each other to grow and of course, miss each other. “Absence really does make the heart grow fonder,” says Kerner

 

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How to Pump Yourself Up for Your Date

 

10 ways to get super psyched (and sexier) before meeting your suitor du jour by Kimberly Dawn Neumann on ivillage.com

    Don New Undies

    You know how you’re supposed to wear clean underwear before you leave the house? Turns out there’s something to that. “The Feng Shui concept with wearing new underwear is that having on something new will give you the energetic sense of freshness and newness,” says Feng-Shui Coach Salvatore Manzi. “It provides a shield and boost of confidence -- like wearing a super-hero outfit hidden beneath your street clothes.” Make sure you’re wearing the sexiest super hero outfit you can find!

     

    Practice Your Strut

    A recent Belgian study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that a free and sexy swagger is usually an indication that a woman has been recently sexually fulfilled. Why? People who climax have more confidence and self esteem -- which translates to more fluidity in their walk.

    If you channel this energy on your next date, he will notice your little je ne sais quoi and won’t be able to help but be turned on. And, there’s a very simple and fun way to get your strut on. Before you meet up, turn your hallway into a runway and pace back and forth like the America’s Next Top Model title is on the line -- get your hips swinging, stomp with purpose and work! Walk until you start to believe you’re really on a catwalk. We’re not saying you should sashay in front of him all night (actually, please don’t) but that little exercise down the hall will give you a little extra bounce and sass throughout the date.

     

    Buy Yourself Flowers

    Not only will buying yourself flowers reinforce your feeling that you are special but it will also imbue your surroundings with love. “To spark romance, Feng Shui uses the colors of pink, white and red, but the best flowers to get are the ones you like,” says Manzi, who actually suggests placing a vase just inside your front entrance in order to welcome romantic energy into your life.

     

    Get a Boob Lift

    The right bra can instantly make you look 10 pounds thinner and improve your posture! “A properly fitting bra guides your girls up and in, exposing the smallest part of your ribcage, and that helps you look pounds slimmer in a matter of minutes,” says Ali Cudby, author of Busted! The Fab Foundations Guide to Bras That Fit, Flatter and Feel Fantastic. “Even better, women report that when the fit of their bra improves, so does their posture. Looking thinner and standing taller? That’s the ideal combination to boost your confidence on any date.” So instead of putting on your “sexy” bra -- you know, the one that is really pretty but doesn’t really work -- opt for the bra in the drawer that fits you best. According to Cudby, that’s the bra that has:

    …a band that fits around the ribcage and is doing 80-90 percent of the work to support your breasts.

    …cups that look smooth while containing all your breast tissue.

    …straps that don’t dig into your shoulders because they should only be responsible for 10-20 percent of holding up your chest. When a bra fits properly, the straps will stay put, and won't slip off your shoulders.

     

    Moisturize All Over

    Time to rub yourself down, from head to toe. “Keep in mind that men love to touch what they see…and soft, smooth, radiant skin communicates health and vitality to men,” says Nina Helms, President of SHE AfterCare. “Knowing that your whole body is velvety soft elevates your confidence an extra level for the night ahead.” With that in mind, Helms suggests you take a hot steamy bath or shower before a date -- exfoliate and then nourish and polish your body with a great moisturizer. You might also try an oil with a dash of silicone to add a glossy, extra silky finish to your skin.

    “Don’t forget to alluringly stroke your neck, a hot erogenous zone, during your date to inspire his animal instinct to reach out and caress you,” says Helms. As soon as he realizes how soft your skin is, he may not be able to stop touching you!

     

    Drop and Give Me 15

    Seriously, hit the ground and start doing some pre-date pushups. This is the “literal” translation of pumping yourself up for a date. “Doing 15 pushups pre-date will plump up the muscles in your chest, shoulders and triceps to give you lovely contours in bare fashions or body-hugging knits,” says Joan Pagano, author of Strength Training for Women. Doing a few push-ups can also help you quell any nervous energy so you can greet your date relaxed and ready to have fun.

     

    Give Yourself an Aura-tude Adjustment

    Ever wonder why you immediately connect with or feel drawn to some people and not others? You’re feeling their energy -- their aura. “You have an electromagnetic field that radiates from you and people can feel your energy, your essence, just like you can sense theirs,“ says Pamala Oslie, author of Love Colors: A New Approach to Love, Relationships and Auras. “And the energy you're sending out can affect others.” Meaning, if you’ve got a murky aura thanks to stress, anger, life stuff or even insecurity, you may not radiate your best vibes on a date. Try the following exercise from Oslie to help your aura grow brighter and bigger, which is attractive to others:

    Imagine a bright light radiating from you. Envision an expansive, wonderful white light growing bigger and bigger around your body. This will actually positively affect your energy, your aura -- and people will feel it. Try it when you're walking down the street. As you focus on radiating and expanding the light around you, you'll see more people notice you -- maybe even smile at you. You'll feel lighter, happier, and more empowered which is appealing to other people.

     

    Indulge a Snack Attack

    It’s a great idea to eat a little snack before going out, not only to keep you from starving (and being cranky about it), but also because it can put you in an “I’m going out” frame of mind. You can create whatever little recipe for dating success that works for you, but here is a suggested menu from Alyse Levine, RD, founder of nutritionbite.com.

    Drink a large glass of water and snack on a small banana to avoid fluid retention (drinking lots of fluid and eating potassium rich foods help). If you feel svelte you’ll feel confident.

    Chew on a fresh Rosemary sprig or eat some yogurt with live and active cultures to help fight off bad breath

    Have a little dark chocolate to sweeten the taste in your mouth and possibly get you in the mood (dark chocolate is thought to be an aphrodisiac).

    Ask for First Dance

    “Doing 20 minutes of cardio, like putting on upbeat music and dancing around the house, will get your blood flowing, release your feel-good endorphins, and gear you up for your date with positive energy,” says Pagano. “When you get your energy pumping, you are more likely to be exuberant, entertaining and engaged during your date,” says Manzi. “Plus, any old, stuck energies in your home will be shaken out!”

     

    Change Your Sheets

    While this one might seem a little presumptuous, from a Feng Shui perspective, when you change out your bed linens, you're energetically putting any past relationships behind you and preparing yourself to be fully ready for what lies ahead. “Along with fresh linens, you can enhance the feeling of intimacy by adding lavender or rose linen spray, both of which have energetic qualities that open and calm the heart,” says Manzi. Okay, and fine…there is nothing wrong with planning ahead either. If you build it, he will come, right?

     

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