Say What? Tyrese Says Men Are Raised To Cheat?!

FROM Clutch Magazine.com

Say What? Tyrese Says Men Are Raised To Cheat?!

Friday Apr 8, 2011 – By Britni Danielle

Today singer-turned-actor Tyrese stopped by the Wendy Williams Show to discuss his new book, How to Get Out Of Your Own Way. If you’ve been following Tyrese on Twitter this year (or if you’re like me, you’re subjected to re-tweets of his words), then you know he’s been trying his best to get his Steve Harvey on. For the past year Tyrese has been doling out relationship “advice” and words of wisdom to his followers, and it’s finally led us here—to a book.

Today, the newly published author, and apparently, relationship “expert” let Wendy Williams in on a little secrete—why men cheat.

When Williams asked Tyrese, why do some men stray away from their relationships, Tyrese sounded less like a guru and more like a man who enjoys the fruits of double standards.

“I don’t have all the answers, but I can say that most mothers raised their daughters to believe that if you cook, clean, thoroughly take care of your man and go all out for your man, that should keep him home. Unfortunately that’s not the truth, but I will say to my daughter when she gets old and starts dating is, if you end up being cheated on, don’t own the cheat. Don’t make the cheat yours. It’s something in that skirt and those legs and whatever the case may be, and [he] decided to dip off. Does he see the value in his woman at home? Yes, but if he ends up dipping off, that spaghetti couldn’t keep him at home.”

Hmm. Interesting.

Despite his apparent lackadaisical view of cheating, when Williams asked if Tyrese would be as forgiving and nonchalant about his (future/potential) wife’s infidelities, the crooner sang a totally different tune.

“No way. See, it’s expected of men to cheat, even though all men don’t cheat. I can’t just generalize and say all men cheat, but it’s expected because it’s a part of our upbringing…no listen if your in high school or in college, if one dude has sex with ten different women he is a hero, he’s the champion of the campus. If one woman has sex with ten different guys, they’re all kind of things in the book right?…It’s just a part of what instilled in us growing up.”

While I agree with not blaming yourself for being cheated on, I can’t get with the notion that men are “brought up” to cheat and therefore their partners should “expect” it to happen. Continuing to perpetuate the notion that men must “dip off” into a woman (or man) at any given time is not only false, but reduces men to animals unable to control their urges.

Like Wendy, I call b.s.

But what do you think Clutchettes and Gents? Should we “expect” men to cheat?

Say What? Tyrese Says Men Are Raised To Cheat?! « Clutch Magazine

The Nice Guy Vs. The Pushover

From BVonLOVE.com

The Nice Guy Vs. The Pushover

By Shirea L. Carroll on Apr 6th 2011 4:00PM

Nice guys don't always finish last, but pushovers do. There's a big difference in what defines a nice man from one who lets a woman walk all over them. However, thanks to the amazing women who would rather date jerks and be caught up in relationship "excitement," aka drama, men are becoming desensitized to the notion that being a nice guy is even worth it.

Public service announcement: Nice guys are still "winning," and being a considerate kind man is still very much appreciated. However, the line between being a pushover and a nice guy is so thin that it's hard to even notice when it's crossed. So let us help you. For starters, a good rule of thumb to determine your status is by asking yourself: as much as I like/love this woman, am I putting her life before mine?
If the answer is yes - you're a pushover and you need to fall back quickly.

Women will never be attracted to a spineless, passive man who lets a woman walk over all them, wavers on their decisions and opinions, and never takes charge. Pushovers are easy to spot, because usually outside the relationship they operate without a backbone and find it difficult to say "no." Despite a pushover's best intentions to be "nice," in order to get women to respect them they must learn to hone and keep the nice gestures and discard all the boring and predictable gestures that allow a woman to get her way - every time.

Contrary to what most women think, some men are interested in successful relationships. Those men have a tendency to be "nice," but not suckers. They understand the importance of balance, considering relationships are give and take, and know that making sure their woman is happy is of ultimate importance but not at the cost of their own happiness.
Here are eight ways to help differentiate the pushover from the all-around nice guy.

1. NICE GUYS: Aren't afraid to say, "no" when needed.
PUSHOVERS: Are afraid to make a woman upset in any way, even if means not standing up for themselves.

2. NICE GUYS: Compliment a woman. "Your hair looks great."
PUSHOVERS: Obsess over a woman. "What type of shampoo do you use, so I can buy it smell you when you aren't around?"

3. NICE GUYS: Will respectfully let a woman know when she is wrong.
PUSHOVERS: Will avoid even the most minor confrontations, apologize, and take all the blame even when it's the woman who is at fault.

4. NICE GUYS: Are told by women, "I really appreciate the way you treat me."
PUSHOVERS: Are told by women, "I really would appreciate you not being up under me all the time."

5. NICE GUYS: Expect to be treated they way they treat a woman.
PUSHOVERS: Accept being treated any kind of way as long as he's with the woman.

6. NICE GUYS: Are persistent and resilient when pursuing a female.
PUSHOVERS: Are passive and annoying and do more chasing than pursuing.

7. NICE GUYS: Are told they are "SO nice."
PUSHOVERS: Are told they are, "WAY TOO nice."

8. NICE GUYS: Often get the girl and finish first.
PUSHOVERS: Often get dumped and knocked out of the race.
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post's TheRoot.com, XXL's Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today's biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out "who is and isn't invited."

The Nice Guy Vs. The Pushover - BV on Love

Ten Tips to Fighting Fair

From Reece W. Manley | YourTango.com

Ten Tips to Fighting Fair

By Reece W. Manley

Over the years I've developed Ten Tips to Fight Fair with Your Partner, you'll find more in my book Spirit Thinking, but here are the basics:

Tip One: Set the field for discussion. Anytime something comes up that needs to be discussed sat a time, place and cut off time to "discuss". Remember, to cut off at the off time.

Tip Two: Painful honesty. Tell it just like you feel it and get it all out. Holding back is just setting yourself up for more problems down the road. If you've got to write it down, that's fine.

Tip Three: Be sure you are safe. Sometimes loud talking can lead to physical violence. If you're not sure, then, trust me, you're not safe.

Tip Four: No fair bringing up things from the past the have been put to rest.

Tip Five: Remember there is no such thing as "never" or "always". There is "many times" and "often" but absolutes will get you no where.

Tip Six: Try using the word "and" instead of the word "but" and see if that helps things. Many people use the word "but" to say "now I'm going to tell you the truth".

Tip Seven: Cool off if you need to do so before talking. Take a day or two. Be respectful of your partner. If he or she needs a little space - that's okayl

Tip Eight: Consider getting someone who is a neutral party. A really neutral party. They can help take a perspective you might not have been able to see before.

Tip Nine: Restate. Restate. Restate. Parrot what you are hearing your partner say and see if you are both seeing it the same way. Chances are, there is some focus on the wrong things.

Tip Ten: If you're not done at cutoff time, then it's time to put it up and back on the shelf until the next day. Do not go to bed angry. If you have to sleep in the front room, then you haven't really but it to bed.

Hope these help,.

Blessings,
Dr.Reece

Ask Dr. Reece is brought to you by America's leading provider of online pastoral counseling and GLBT coaching. If you need help, he's at http://www.pridecoach.com

Ten Tips to Fighting Fair | Reece W. Manley | YourTango

8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know

From | Stephanie Castillo | YourTango.com

Match.com's latest survey reveals new dating rules for today's modern single.

By Stephanie Castillo

Bad news bears, singles: Match.com has released the results of a new survey that shows the dating rules and habits have changed. Again. But even though the playing field has become a bit of uncharted territory, some traditional dating dos and dont's still apply. Bad Habits That Are Actually Good For You

"It's important for singles to know that the dating rules have changed," says Whitney Casey, Relationship Expert for Match.com. "This study finds that dating behaviors drastically differ between the ages. Younger singles are more likely to friend their date on Facebook, communicate by text after a date, and be evasive about their availability if they're not interested in a second date. Whereas older singles are more cautious when it comes to dating in the digital era."

That said, here are the eight dating habits—new and old—you need to know

1. He asks, she pays. The one traditional dating "do" that still stands is the general belief men are supposed to make the first move. However, Match.com found 41% of women would offer to pick up the check on a first date. You hear that guys? If you ask us out for dinner, we might just foot the bill. Sounds like a win-win to us.

2. All it takes is 15 minutes. To decide if you and your date have chemistry, that is. Thirty-one percent of both men and women agree that 15 minutes of a date is all it takes to decide. Worried your next date will bail if he's not into you? Don't, because Match.com found only 12 percent of singles would actually leave before the night was over. Women Regret Failed Relationships More Than Anything Else

3. Honesty is (still) the best policy. Not enjoying your time out with what's his name? Tell him. The survey found 52 percent of singles think it's best to politely tell your date if you're not interested, and we agree. Neither party gets anything out of being dishonest, and you never know when you'll run into him or her again later in life. Remember: manners matter.

4. Don't go all the way. At least not until well after your first date. Eighty percent of singles agree that you should not have sex on the first date. Holding out on your date builds mystery, and if your date can get it all in one night, they're less motivated to call back for round two.

5. It's OK to follow-up. It's just a matter of when. Forty-eight percent of women like to follow up after a first date within 24 hours where as 68 percent of men like to "play it cool" and extend the follow-up to almost three days after your date.

6. Classic communication is best. In this digital era, there are hundreds of ways to follw up on a date: text, e-mail, instant message, etc. But surprisingly enough the survey found 80 percent of singles prefer to talk over the phone. Dear Men, Here's What You Should Know About Women...

7. Yes, you can Facebook friend your date. Ah, the social media dilemma that plagues all singles. As far as friend requesting your date goes, 21 percent of young singles say it's OK to request a friend after 2-3 dates while 11 percent of older singles wait until the relationship is exclusive to do so. These low percentages mean keep your add-friend trigger finger under control while in the early phase of dating.

8. Spend time with your friends. Sometimes your friends get a bad rap when it comes to dating, but 50 percent of men and 35 percent of women will introduce their dates to their friends within the first month of dating, regardless of how old they are

Tell us: what do you think about these dating changes?

8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know | Stephanie Castillo | YourTango

What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

From | Hello Beautiful.com

What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

Written by Lauren Minogue on April 5, 2011 3:45 pm

We all have our different ways we like to sleep. Some people prefer to be on their stomach, others their back, some their sides, some with thousands of pillows, others with none, with blankets on, with blankets off, listening to music, with our pets in the bed, with the air-conditioner and the heater on at the same time…. the list goes on. You get my drift, our sleeping patterns are as different as we are.

But, relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr, says that the way we sleep can say a lot about our relationship status. She spoke to Nine MSN recently and gave them the lowdown on what our different sleeping styles can say about us, and how connected we may be to our romantic partners.

1. ‘Spooning’ with the male behind
According to Dr. Spurr, ‘spooning’ with the man behind, is a protective and sensual way to sleep. It signifies a protective stance by the male, because it makes a woman feel that her partner is willing to look after her. This position hints at a traditional relationship.

2. Spooning with the woman behind
Spooning, with the woman behind, hints at a very nurturing relationship and shows that the woman is the backbone of the relationship. She cuddles her partner and makes him feel loved and secure in this position. Dr. Spurr notes that, in this relationship the man wouldn’t be frightened of letting his partner be his emotional anchor.

3. Both partners sleep on their sides, with their backs turned to each other.
Both people facing the edge of the bed signals that you lack connection with each other and you may suffer from a lack of intimacy. It generally signifies two independent people, who run their own lives, however, this independence in the bedroom may lead to a lack of intimacy and loss of emotional connection in the long term.

4. He sleeps on his back while she’s on her side cuddled up into his arms.
This position provides full on contact and sleeping this way signals you simply can’t resist cuddling up and feeling that closeness. Dr. Spurr says that you’re probably still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship and should make sure you don’t lose some of that desire as time goes on.

5. She sleeps on her back while he’s on her side cuddled up into her arms.
In this position, he’s signaling that he really needs you, and he wants a real emotional connection and to feel comforted by you.

Hmmm…. Interesting. But I’m wondering, how many people actually sleep cuddled up to someone all night? Don’t you just need your own space after a while?

What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship | Hello Beautiful

Study: 10 Percent Of Women Feel Depressed After Sex

By Kait Smith | YourTango.com

Study: 10 Percent Of Women Feel Depressed After Sex

New research shows a surprising number of women feel post-coital sadness.

By Kait Smith

Certain feelings come to mind when considering how one should feel after a nice romp in the sheets—sexy, joyous, confident, elated, orgasmic, just to name a few. But how often are women feeling the complete opposite? According to new research, the bedroom blues may strike more often than you'd think.

One third of young women feel sad, anxious, restless or irritable after sex, according to Australian research published in the International Journal of Sexual Health.

And it doesn't end there—10 percent of the women surveyed admitted to frequently or almost always feel sad after doing the deed. Study: Women Feel Worse About Themselves After Losing Virginity

Here is how one of the 200 women in the study described her emotions:

"I did not associate the feeling with an absence of love or affection for my sexual partner nor with an absence of love or affection from them towards me, because it seemed so unconnected with them."

In other words, her melancholy was not caused by a lack of love between her and her sexual partner. Rather, it was completely unrelated to their established relationship.

Researchers involved in the study say a definite cause of this post-coital sadness is unknown but may stem from past issues such as sexual abuse, which has been known to cause feelings of shame or guilt in women during sexual activity later in life.

Previous studies have found that an effective treatment for post-coital depression is to make sex less pleasurable; one researcher prescribed patients serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac, Zoloft, etc.). Two weeks later, these drugs—which even the mood, lift spirits and sometimes cause sexual dysfunction—helped prohibit an emotional crash after sex, although the intercourse was "less intensely pleasurable." Treating Post-Coital Depression

The next step in understanding the after-sex blues, according to the Australian researchers, is to study the emotional characteristics of women and how they view themselves in attempt to link personality traits to bedroom blues.

Hopefully after further investigation, a solution that doesn't take the fun out of sex is uncovered.

Have you ever felt sad after sex?

Study: 10 Percent Of Women Feel Depressed After Sex | Kait Smith | YourTango

Successful Mistresses Do What Wives Won’t

From Walkingfaithfully.com

Successful Mistresses Do What Wives Won’t Filed Under: Sheeri Mitchell's Journal by Sheeri Mitchell - September 29, 2010

Cherish every step of your Christian journey! And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth! (Psalm 116:9) We glorify God for you walking through our presence today. Return often and always enjoy!

During the 15 years we have been married, my husband, Mykel, and I have had the privilege of befriending many couples and counseling more than a few. One of the sorest topics we have ever explored is infidelity.

Unless you have suffered through the agony of sexual betrayal by your spouse, the pain is difficult to imagine. It seems the humiliation is made worse when the offending spouse has engaged not in a mere tryst, but has sustained a long-lasting, sexual and emotional relationship outside of the marriage.

Since Mykel and I have personally spoken to more men than women who have cheated in this manner, we have been able to gain some insight into the behavior successful mistresses engage in that wives typically do not. Please note: This list is not comprehensive, nor the result of any type of statistical study, only the result of a very informal survey of the few men we know who have been willing to share this information with Mykel, myself, or both. Please do not confuse my exploration of cheating with my approval. Extramarital affairs are the ultimate form of betrayal, which cause lasting damage to individuals, families, and communities. They weaken the fabric of our culture and empower the enemy to wreak havoc in our lives as well as in the lives of our spiritual and physical seed.

Mistresses Initiate Sexual Contact

Yes, the man is the pursuer. When a wife pursues her husband sexually, however, it proves to him that she finds him attractive and desirable. It seems husbands enjoy being found attractive and desirable at least as much as their wives do.

Mistresses Are Nice

It sounds corny, but a little kindness goes a long way. Big and tough they may be, men appreciate kind words and consideration. The more brutalized a man is out in the world, the more necessary it is for him to be treated with dignity at home. Terms of endearment, such as “Honey” or “Sweetie,” a pleasant tone of voice, or basic manners – saying “Please” and “Thank you” affirm a person’s humanity.

Mistresses Show Interest In A Man’s Hobbies

Many extramarital affairs begin harmlessly enough over shared hobbies. While on his daily run, he bumps into her on the track. An avid reader, he joins a book club, where she happens to be a member.

If your husband enjoys football, try taking time to learn the game. If he fishes, subscribe to a fishing magazine and commit to reading an article or two a week. Investing in his hobbies can provide more common ground and an opportunity to grow closer.

Mistresses Seek Out A Man’s Opinion

Is there an area your husband knows a lot about? Solicit his opinion and listen to what he has to say. I have a friend who follows local politics very closely. His wife consistently asks him to explain his position on various issues. She is very smart and has her own opinions, yet makes a point to ask her husband anyway because she is genuinely interested in his perspective.

Mistresses Feed “Their” Men

In many households, microwave meals are the order of the day for husband and wife alike. If this is true for you and your guy, make hubby something nice once in a while. If you don’t cook, make him a sandwich, or buy him his favorite dish and bring it home to surprise him. The content may not be as important as the gesture.

Mistresses Affirm Men

At a marriage retreat I attended a few years back, the main speaker encouraged wives give out what she called “Attaboys” on a regular basis (as in “Attaboy Mykel! You took out the trash!). Every husband in the room applauded his approval. Giving a man accolades for a job well done, or a simple task he did on your behalf, shows him that you appreciate his efforts. Accolades encourage repeat behavior. Repeat behavior makes for welcome habits. Everybody wins

 

Mistresses Know When To Shut Up

Giving your husband quiet time – especially at the end of a busy day allows him (and you) to decompress. During the course of your relationship, establish together how much is a reasonable amount of time for him (and you) to recharge. Do your best to respect that time.

Resist complaining to him about things he can do nothing about. Not everything you think as a woman needs to be said out loud to your husband. Do the bulk of your complaining to God. He knows, understands, and is able to affect change when your husband doesn’t, won’t , or can’t. If you need to vent to or unload upon another human being, call or meet with a trusted girlfriend, and give your man’s ears a break.

Mistresses Wear Sexy Undies

Yes, granny panties are extremely comfy – but your husband does not want to sleep with his nana. Invest in one or two sexy outfits and make a point to wear them to bed periodically.

Mistresses Know What’s Going On At Work

I am always surprised by how many wives have no idea what their husbands face professionally. For better or for worse, many men define themselves according to what they do for a living. Wives should know how that part of their man’s life is progressing, if for no other reason than to intercede effectively on his behalf.

Mistresses (Sometimes) Buy Gifts

A token gift, a handwritten note, or even a phone call says, “I’m thinking about you.” Who doesn’t like to “hear” that?

Mistresses (Occasionally) Pick Up The Check

It is more than okay to take your husband on a date from time to time and pay for everything. If you’re like most couples, the money comes from a joint account anyway. The gesture, however, is no less sweet. If you pay from your own account or allowance, then so much the better.

Mistresses Ask For And Give Oral Sex

For many Christians oral sex is strictly taboo. There are as many biblically-based opinions on the matter as there are Christians. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, consider reading Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by noted Christian author, Dr. Kevin Leman. Well researched and humorously candid, I found it pleasantly surprising

Mistresses Invest In Their Appearance

Between carpooling, grocery shopping, washing clothes, and wiping noses and/or butts, who has time for a shower, let alone a spa day? As a mother of four, ages 4 through 12, a writer, an editor, a volunteer, and a student, I know first hand how hard it can be to glam it up. Sometimes simply putting on a nicer pair of earrings (or any at all), choosing the t-shirt with fewer permanent stains, or painting on clear gloss, constitutes my investment for the day. The point is to put on something, or to do something for yourself that makes you feel more feminine, more beautiful, more confident. Baby steps in the right direction still get you there. Give yourself lots of grace as you go.

Mistresses Say Yes To Sex More Often

I’m shaking my head because as I write this blog, my husband snoozes soundly in our bed – alone. I know what it is like to be too tired, too angry, too apathetic, too cranky, or too busy for sex. But consider this: Your husband is your first ministry. To him, your “no” is a rejection. Persistent rejection can lead to his losing interest in asking you for sex altogether (Why should he bother if you’re just going to say “no” anyway?). A loss of interest in you can lead to his turning to someone else for validation. Not a pronouncement – just something to consider.

I hope this list proved to be as thought-provoking to read as it was to discuss and write. It was not only interesting, but convicting for me to learn about the many ways in which mistresses affirm other women’s husbands. I definitely see areas where I can grow. If your marriage is in a secure enough place to do so, bring this list to your spouse’s attention and see what kind of feedback you get. If you learn anything interesting or helpful, share it by posting a comment.

Be Blessed Family !

Written by Sheeri Mitchell on September 30, 2010 8:50 am - Successful Mistresses Do What Wives Won’t Filed Under: Sheeri Mitchell's Journal by Sheeri Mitchell — 61 Comments September 29, 2010

http://walkingfaithfully.com/2010/09/29/successful-mistresses-do-what-wives-wont/